Trying to get WAW back

[JMC]

Unfortunately what is she looking for that feeling of love? Is it the passion from the beginning? If so then she's dillusional.

Not sure really. She also made the comment she may have never loved me. I attribute to MLC, but who really knows. I realize about the time thing, but am growing weary and feel that hope is being wasted.

I read some where that to love someone is a choice.

I have read this several times since the bomb and have heard in church several times since then also. Hard to believe I never heard before recently.

I'm hoping in a little while she will want to work on this M instead of feeling hopeless.

I am hoping for the same thing, but am not as hopeful as I once was. Good luck DaveJ.

[Nugget]

Unfortunately what is she looking for that feeling of love? Is it the passion from the beginning? If so then she's delusional. That's all hormones and it won't happen again. Is it just romantic feelings for you?

I disagree whole heartedly. If those feelings were there in the beginning, why can’t they be there again? There is nothing keeping them from happening again, except for the two people involved. There is no reason a couple cannot have them again.

I read somewhere that to love someone is a choice. You chose to love somebody.

To love someone is a choice, but the feeling of being in love is a symptom.

Dave, don't let the opinions of upset you. They are just trying to help you out by expressing them. As long as you are a peace with your decision and feel it is in “YOUR” best interest then that is all that matters.
I do not agree with asking your wife for a separation contract. If that is not pressuring, then I do not know what is. To me it comes across as clingy and needed as all get out.

[DaveJ]

No I don't mean the feeling of loving somebody from the beginning not able to be rekindled. I mean the feeling of passion and obsession that you initially get from meeting someone. Yes I agree that obviously they married you for a reason and it should still be there, just burried.

Heck, I had that feeling of madly in love all over again with my W after my "awakening". Of course she quickly doused that with the bombs.

And yes, the last thing I should do is pressuring my W. I've been doing it forever and it certainly contributed to making things worse and worse. For once if I can show her I can be patient and give her time and space it may get her to want to be with me more. Too bad the W doesn't have much faith in me accomplishing my goals. Of course me continously saying I won't talk about R and breaking down does not help at all. I'm really stopping now and hopefully during the S I can show her that I can keep my mouth shut.

[Nugget]

For once if I can show her I can be patient and give her time and space it may get her to want to be with me more.

You talk the talk. Now walk that walk. You and me both brother.

Too bad the W doesn't have much faith in me accomplishing my goals. Of course me continously saying I won't talk about R and breaking down does not help at all. I'm really stopping now and hopefully during the S I can show her that I can keep my mouth shut.

EEEEEXXXXAAAAACTLY!!! How is she going to believe you when you keep showing her otherwise??? Remember "Open mouth, insert foot here!!!"

Take your advice you just gave svjeck and I quote, "In the meantime, if you feel the need to talk to your W about the R, pretend that your computer is your W and your hands on the keyboard are your mouth. Let it out here or in a personal journal."

[DaveJ]

Yep. Doing the personal journal thing. Also the email to self thing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I always take the bait when the W says something negative about our future and I get down and starts blabbing. I must learn to detach. Very difficult.

I just wish I have somebody positive around me that I can talk to daily and encourage me. And of course smack me up the head if I'm about to do something stupid. Heck, it's just pretty hard.

Speaking of making friends, would it be worth while going to a church? Would that be an easy way to do it? Just wondering.... I guess that's why a local DB support group would do wonders for people. I sent email to the contact asking if we can add a forum that allow local people to get in touch. No answer though I really think it would be a good thing....

[JMC]

I disagree whole heartedly. If those feelings were there in the beginning, why can’t they be there again? There is nothing keeping them from happening again, except for the two people involved. There is no reason a couple cannot have them again.

I guess I did not mean to imply that I disagreed with that statement, its just that in my situation I do not believe my W has the inclination to want those feelings again. I could be wrong. After all, for several months until we sold our house she seemed to enjoy coming over to have dinner, be intimate and spend the weekend after she moved out. Crazy!

[Psch1968]

DaveJ - send me a PM if you want to talk to someone in exactly same sitch as you (my W leaves 8/9)

[DaveJ]

Psch1968, whenever I send PM I get user is over their private topic limit. You can email me at [e-mail] if you like.

[DaveJ]

Well, got the W to agree to let me move out on Sun night instead of Sat afternoon. I just didn't want to spend Sat afternoon/night all by myself. I've had enough loneliness the past week and it was awful and miserable! Of course I think I made her totally mad. What is the big freaking deal for 1 day! I just don't get it.... It's not like I'm trying to get out of this separation or anything like that.

[Nugget]

DaveJ think her anger comes from her losing a little bit of control over your move. From what I sense from reading on the forums and seen from my W, it seems that the WAS want to feel like they are in control of the things going on around them. It must be a way for them to deal with the sit.. Because if there is one thing that the WAS spouse has in their deck of cards, is control of where the R will go. Kind of a "Got you by the b*lls feeling" So, by you forcing a change of date for the move out, she may feel like she is losing control of the situation and that is hard for her to deal with.