Your lenghty post frank clearly points out how I fuk'ed up again and again, how I did not "get it". I will try to use my journey for growth.
No, it doesn't point that you f'ed up. It points out that there are opportunities that are subtle, and how to recognize them. And, that anger and fear STOP us from taking advantage of them.
That is not F'ing up. That is being frozen in hurt, anger, fear. When you're in that place, you're not allowing the WAS to even try to 'return'. I may be wrong, and Annie or Lissie can perhaps show more intuition that me on this, but I think your W still feels the love for you, but she can't get past the hurt either.
Lissie is right, it's ok to be done, just be a whole person again and learn to feel.
Your W didn't 'take away your identity as a man'. You had lost it on your own, just as I had. You can reclaim it whenever you're ready.
I also don't suggest that you 'take abuse' from her, or anyone. That doesn't mean you can't be more open and friendly with good boundaries.
I have something interesting to read that I could E-Mail you if you like. If you E-Mail me I'll reply with it.
