The Road to Reconciliation ... a bit of a survey

[SallyM]

How long were you together? together for 13.5 years, married for almost 10

How long have you been separated? it will be 3 months on 9/7

Do you understand what happened to cause the separation? hell yeah

What do you think your partner thinks of you (now, then)? he resents any changes I have made, it angers him that I have made any changes at all, even if they were ones he claimed he wanted to see in me. from how he treats me, he has little or no respect for me. he thinks I'm a good mom, but has forgotten (and refuses to see) any way that I was a good wife.

How does your partner behave towards you now? alternates between friendly, hostile and irrational

Are you able to understand your partners actions? hell no. well, I suppose I can look at his personal history and undertand on some level how he is able to do what he is doing, but that's as close as it comes for me.

Do you seen any glimmer of hope for your R coming from your partner? I can't quite extinquish the glimmer completely, but no, there is no real glimmer, just a false one that he or I create at times.

If so, how long did it take before hope appeared (following separation)? n/a

What do you think caused that change in your partner? n/a

How regularly do you have *any* type of contact with your partner? 2x a day for calls to the kids (we talk briefly too, since I answer the phone and help the 3 year olds with it) and see him when he comes to spend time/get the kids

How often do you see your partner? I see him 4x a week...2x when he comes here to spend time with the kids (I go out, but am here when he gets here) and when he comes to pick up/drop off the kids on fri/sun
Is that often enough? too much and not enough. too much for how he is acting/how I am feeling right now, not enough for how I want him to be acting/how i could feel right now.

Have you gone through a 'dating period'? with h? no, not really, other than a trip to nyc pre-separation. with others? not yet.

Was that positive? n/a

Are you able to discuss your R at all or is that too dangerous? generally speaking, r talk has been disasterous. I am, however, better at it for the most part than i was a few months ago.

What do you do with your free time? spend time with the kids (not sure that qualifies as free time), go to the gym, meet up with friends, go out on my own, movies, occasional travel, scrapbook, journal, read, listen to music, play on the internet, computer games

How do you handle the feeling of being lonely, assuming you do feel that way? I have moments of loneliness, although not as bad as at the beginning of our separation. if I find myself in that position, I try to fill the time...get out of the house, go w/o, call a friend, even jump on the computer to connect with a couple of message boards I belong to. I have bouts where I start organizing everything, and I make lists. some of it is preventative...I know if I keep myself busy, I don't have time to feel lonely. at the same time, I don't mind being alone...sometimes I embrace that. big difference between the two.

What do you think about your partner (now, then)? then, he was the man of my dreams in many ways. he wasn't perfect, had things I didn't like about him, but overall, he was my life partner and one I admired and loved on so many levels. Now? I think he's a self-centered, rat-bastard, ass of a man.

Do you still want to reconcile? depends on when you ask me. mostly, yeah, I still can't imagine my life w/o the man I used to know. but I wish I never had to see the man he is currently ever again.