This puts you back at (1). (1) is simply going to lead to (2).
I'm not sure why you are defensive about having a life. If you are unhappy in your M because you choose to give up too much of yourself, not much H can do about that. So, good for you for getting a life, but maybe try to stop being defensive about it.
I think it is pretty unhealthy to have your mom in the middle of your marital issues.
Re your childhood, H's infidelity, your intimacy issues, your mother... I think it would be great if you could work on this stuff in IC. Maybe read some stuff on boundaries...
