WAW wife needs a home

[Nugget]

I have been working on my M for almost a year now and I understand more and more every day.

Yesterday I helped my wife move out of her friend’s house. She is going to live with another friend now, until she can afford a place of her own. Sad thing about her new living arrangement is that she will be sharing a bed with her friend and I know she is not looking forward to that. I and my son are living with my mother, temporarily (for the love of God I hope so) and she is out of town until Sat. So, I asked my wife if she would like to stay with us until my mother comes back. I told her there are two empty beds and she can sleep in my mother’s bed with S (cloud like king size pillow top with clean sheets). She said that would be really good. So, she is staying with us for a few days.

I made us a nice meal last night, something neither one of us has had since we separated. Then we watched a movie together, I massaged her feet, we had an enjoyable evening. Instead of going to sleep in my mother bed, she slept with S and me in our bed. Her alarm did not go off and I had to wake her (45 minutes late). I got her a towel, turned on the shower for her, she was getting the iron out for her clothes and I told her "Here let me do it, you go shower." I made us coffee and her a light breakfast to take in the car. I asked her what shoes she wanted to wear and she said I don't know, black ones, so I laid out all her black ones on the table so she could pick a pair. She got ready and I handed her her coffee and breakfast as she ran out the door. She was very appreciative and thanked me several times during the morning.

Nothing I did this morning was any different then how I have been with her for about the past year (prior to a year ago is a different story). Except for one thing. I committed no love busters. After she left, I was thinking to myself, Self, you are a pretty good guy. Anyone would appreciate you. So, why is it that your W wants nothing to do with you? Why does she not want to work on things? Why does she want to be on her own? One reason, "LOVE BUSTERS"

I realized that in my relationship, acts of love busters (anger, pity, fear, guilt, pressure, sadness, etc.) have 100% times more effect on our spouses right now then any act of love or caring. I can secrete acts of love all week long and feel great about things and then slip up and commit one tiny act of love busting and it will totally wipe out my whole week’s worth of effort and maybe even more. I sat back and thought about the past couple of months and our interactions. I see 95% of it as good productive interactions, where you were both enjoying each other company. But, then I see the 5% of LBs that I have committed and I see the damage and the set back that they cause. My wife is in a vulnerable state emotionally with me right now. A lot of her acts show me that she wants to be with me and she does not want it to be over. But, my constant acts of LBers, no matter how small or insignificant I may think they are, they have a huge impact on her and remind her of the jerk I was before.

I have to commit 100% to acts of love and 0% to LBs, if I want a snowballs chance in h*ll.