Frustrated and More Saddened #3

[stewart10]

Thanks ALK24. It really does help to receive encouragment and support from the thread.

Well, we are going to have another little talk today in light of the recent events. She did not come home on Monday night but she did come home last night. Wasn't sure what to do so I stayed on the couch. She came in and said to go to bed (she went out after work got in about 3) but I think she was going to sleep on the couch so I didn't want her to have to do that, so I said thats alright and I don't mind. She is still sleeping now, I have been up since 5:00 am. Its funny but my internal clock is still telling me I have to get up for work. Weird but that is going to probably happen for awhile.

When she came in last night, she kind of patted my head and gave it a little rub. She hasn't done that in awhile, but I think it was more feeling sorry for me rather than out of any kind of love she feels. I am going to try and get out for awhile today after she leaves for work. We have our conselling session tomorrow and I am a bit nervous about that. I am afraid things are going to come out in the session that I don't really want to hear. But I will have to keep my wits and make sure she feels comfortable talking openly. This Doc is kind of a no-nonsense person so I have a feeling he is going to call her on some of her behavior lately and explain to her that it is not helping to get us back to where we need to be. I am sure there is going to be some criticizm of me for my part in this, but I take responsibility for that and am prepared for it.

Not really looking forward to our talk. Monday was so very difficult. But, things have changed since then. One of which is my job. Want to see what her feelings on the matter are. If that changes anything. God I really wish this wasn't happening. I feel like this has all been one really long painful nightmare and I would give anything in the world to wake up.