In response to your reply on your thread here, , let me continue on my thread….
My initial response to you is to say... "poor you." If you want to get out... you do what you need to get out.
My decision to get out is not in limbo, it is only on hold. The girls are old enough to handle things but S10 is still a little young. Because of that I have some concern over how the court might determine custody and therefore division of assets. Who has custody of S10 will impact who has the house and whether the house can be kept or must be sold.
Don't compare Mrs. Cobra to me. Mrs. Cobra is Mrs. Cobra. Deal with her and not some rendition you want her to compare with me...
I admire you greatly but I am not holding you up as a fantasy. What I am holding up is how far from other “normal” relationships my wife seems to be. I don’t know any men or any women that I have talked to about my sitch who can truly understand why my wife acts and rebels as she does (outside the context of her FOO, this is).
xH is and will always be, xH. The problem was NEVER with xH. The problem was with me. My purpose. My goal. What I wanted in life. What made me (not Corri) happy. And how **I** wanted to get there.
Well if you believe all that then good for you. But if it were entirely true, why have you not gone back to him. The fact is that he too is flawed and he too is a large part of the problem. It might empower us to think we are fully responsible for our happiness and in complete control of that, but I don’t believe it for one minute. Others in our lives impact us deeply. When they are flawed it makes our lives that much harder. When they are healthy, it makes our lives that much easier, no matter how happy we might be internally.
You now care for your bf. When you two don’t agree, are you happy? When you two do agree, do you feel like he is “the one?” He impacts you.
I never did, and never WILL regret my decisions to to D.
Good. I don’t regret any of my decisions so far either.
I did NOT make my decision in anger. Nor in petulance. Nor in revenge. It was an active choice. I'm not looking for ^5s or attagirls, or... even... 'too bad you didn't hang on a few months longer,' kind of feedback. I accept FULL and COMPLETE responsibility for my decision.
Initially when I filed for D last year, there was some anger and resentment, and when that subsided and I re-evaluated the impact on the family, plus what I thought I was hearing from W to work on the marriage, I unsuited the D. The next time it will be even less emotionally bound for I will have been contemplating and emotionally preparing for some time. Before things spun out of control and all of a sudden I was in front of the lawyers. I was not really prepared.
You... to me... are still looking for an excuse... to get out, or stay in.
The only excuse I am looking for is a reason to stay, once certain time constraints have passed. I try to give benefit of the doubt, hope that things get better, see some calms periods, only to see her spin out of control again.
If you want out, get out. Stop using your children as an excuse.
The children will remain the primary reason for a while longer.
Now. If you want to talk the variables of humanity, Corri can go there with you, with no judgments, as you take time to make your decision on whether you will honor your decision, or honor you impulse.
Not exactly sure what you mean by “variables of humanity.”
As long as you do it with FULL self-accountability. ….. What I DO care about... is if Cobra is true to Cobra.
I think I have resolve my accountability. I don’t blame my wife for her inabilities. It is just her, how she was raised, what she has become… Even the counselor thought W did not have the ability to overcome her fears and move forward. I think it is possible for W to change, but it will take a long time and will require someone other than me to help her.
