Corri: Very good on Number 1 - I almost felt that pit-o'-my stomach feeling I get when she's on a roll. I'll do the old, "prepare for the worst and hope for the best" type of thinking that has helped me handle any number of confrontations with her and with my ex through the years.
Martelo - Your predicted responses are just as likely to occur as Corri's. And yeah, I can handle it. (I think we should just add that to the usually abbreviations: ICHI) Oh, and thanks for the video. Reminds me: "do the dumb stuff I gotta do. Touch the puppet head"
Blackie! I totally intend to state #1 rather than ask it. Hey, it's a non-refundable ticket...nothing to ask.
As for # 2, I plan to discuss it with her because I want her to understand how it may affect the dynamics in our relationship, and not just shrug off any changes as random. To clarify, I am doing this for me, not for her. Here's the "Breaking Free Activity #39" from Glover's book:
Quote:
Consider going on a sexual moratorium. Consciously refrain from sex for a predetermined period of time. No matter what your sexual situation is, it can be a powerful learning experience. Most guys initially resist the idea, but once then make the decision to do it, they find it to be a very positive experience. A sexual moratorium can have many benefits: >Helps break dysfunction cycles >Eliminates pursuing and distancing >Releases resentment >Allows the NG to see that he can live without sex >Helps the NG realize that no one else but him holds the key to his sexual experience >Helps the NG see how he settles for bad sex >Eliminates fear that the NG's partner can withhold sex or approval >Helps the NG pay attention to the meaning of sexual impulses: whenever the NG feels the impulse to be sexual, he can automatically ask himself, "Why am I feeling sexual?" >Helps break addictive patterns by eliminating compulsive masturbation, pornography, and other addictive behaviors >Helps the NG begin to address feelings has been avoiding with sex Before beginning a sexual moratorium, discuss it with your partner. It helps to set a specific time. I suggest three to six months. It can be done. Decide on the parameters of the moratorium. Once you have begun, pay attention to slips and sabotaging behaviors, from both you and your partner. Remember, it is a learning experience. You don't have to do it perfectly.
I quoted it in its entirety, although some parts of it are more relevant to my situation than to others. The whole "pursing/distancing" dynamic is really strong with me. Plus, I want to feel something I have never felt before: in control of my "sexual experience." So many of the decisions I make in an average day or week are calculated so as to keep W happy, in some twisted hope that she will "make herself available" to me. The little Blackfoot on my shoulder is saying, "Yeah...so how's that workin' for you so far?" Get offa my shoulder Mr. Obvious, ya little pissant.
So that's why I'm going to talk about it with her.
