Trying to be positive - with hope

[DaveJ]

limbo, let us know how retrouville works out. I'm really hoping the W would eventually agree to go and just want some encouraging news from people that went there.

[limbo]

Dave I will most certainly let you all know how it goes!

[limbo]

bump

[limbo]

I just don't think I can do this anymore!

H called and said there is this course he wants us to do for motorcycle, the last one that has just been added is on the same day as the retrouville course, it starts at the same time as the retro finishes, so I said that I am sorry, but the retro is more important to me then the bike, and i thought it was important to stay till the end, so he hung up on me!

I left it for a while and called him back, he said he was busy and thats why he didn't call back, I said that we could have discussed it more, instead of him hanging up, and he said that there is no point because I said no...I said that I was alittle thrown for him even suggesting...so we got alittle heated, so I said have you run back to her, is that what his plan is because he didn't get his own way with me, I couldn't help it, he said no, he had no intention of that(probably is now though!)
I said how is this going to work when we both act childish and immature, he said he really wanted to do this, and doesn't see how taking the last hour out of this would hurt considering all the after course too.
So I said this is why we should have talked about instead of him haning up, and that I called to try and work something out, and all he is doing is treating me like s**t yet again, because he now wount talk about us doing the bike course, so I got up set and said I had to go, as I am at work.
So who know what I will go home to find, and you know I am so sick of worrying about that, what will be waiting for me at home, I just want my day to end and know when I get home everything will be fine and I don't have to worry about anything!

[limbo]

So he is still acting like a child, made me late for work, as he didn't wake me!
I am so tired of this, he is getting worse with the childish behaviour instead of better!
I don't think I can do this for much longer! I refuse to be punished when he doesn't get his own way!
With the bike course, I said what about the kids, we are going to be away all weekend long, and if we do the bike thing it means we don't get home til about 10pm, which is way after S7 bedtime, and my Mum is going to watch them, and I know she is going to give me hell for doing it.
So he said fine we wount do it, but now he is just acting like a spoiled child!
I want a mature relationship, and I told him that, he said he has always been that way and isn't going to change, I said we can all make choices to change, and he said nope we can't change who we are!
I am just at my whits end!

[thegoodfight]

Sad that he believes we can't change who we are! We certainly can it takes a lot of effort and discipline but it can be done. Too bad the adversary is at work here! You see it all over the board. It attacks those who think they want out and those that think they are willing to stay.

It continues to put doubt in both minds, it continues to through darts at everything and seeks to destroy the family and it hopes to finally destroy the individual through this. I don't know what to say except stay the course and find help, there is one who can help and he will show the way. Ask him for help, he will answer maybe not right away but he will answer. Do not fear your outcome, forgive yourself and forgive you H. he is in the grasp of the wicked one and doesn't know how to break free.

I know, I was there, it was all about me and what I want. That is not the way in a relationship with anyone, it is about the other. Let me ask this do the motorcycle thing and reschedule Retro. What is most important is you reconcile, not where you do it but you do it. Beat the adversary at his own game, what have you got to lose! Do it together, have fun appreciate him and he will appreciate you! My best wishs. Please don't lose faith see things for what they are, not what they appear to be.

[stewart10]

Hey Limbo:

am so tired of this, he is getting worse with the childish behaviour instead of better!

Boy do I know what you mean here. I think the important thing is to try not to take their actions personally. At least in my situaiton, my W is awfully selfish and often doesn't care what her behavior's effect has on others. My father basically put the situation in perspective for me. He said that I still care about what she does. She could care less what I do on a daily basis as long as it does not interfere with what she wants to do. If it does, then she begins to look for things that she can justify staying away for. It is hurtful to think about it, but unfortunately it is the way it works.

I don't think I can do this for much longer! I refuse to be punished when he doesn't get his own way!

See above response.

With the bike course, I said what about the kids, we are going to be away all weekend long, and if we do the bike thing it means we don't get home til about 10pm, which is way after S7 bedtime, and my Mum is going to watch them, and I know she is going to give me hell for doing it.

This seems to be a perfectly valid point. One which you probably would have made if H did not hang up on you the first time. Let this sink in for awhile. See if it changes his opinion. If not, there is not much you can do. Remember, they cannot really think of anyone else other than themselves, at least that has been my experience.

I want a mature relationship, and I told him that, he said he has always been that way and isn't going to change, I said we can all make choices to change, and he said nope we can't change who we are!

This is an unfortunate comment. You, I and everyone else on this board knows this is simply not true. Don't let it bother you. There is a difference between not being able to change and not WANTING to change. I suspect your H may have a bit of of the latter going on at this point. Don't let this get you down.

Hang in there Limbo. I don't think things are going as bad as you think. Things look pretty good from the outside. At least he is saying he wants things to work. Keep your head up. Things are going well for you.

[limbo]

Thanks Stew and TGF

I know it seems better, but I wonder if it really is or is he just waiting for something better.
I just feel so low, I just feel I can't just keep doing this, living this way! I want to get on with a good life, I am not getting any younger and I don't want to waste anymore of it living this way!

[limbo]

We talked via email this morning about what happened and he admits that he acting immaturly and was very selfish, so thats something.
Still says he wants to work on the marriage and go to retrouville.
I did say that I think he should go see his C to help him deal with this, as it seems to be getting worse, and he was never like this before. He said that he wants to wait and see what happens after our weekend away, although I am not sure what one has to do with the other, but I wount push it

[slowly]

Hi Limbo - Good for you, intending to not push it.

Can I ask, how has dbing changed you, your thoughts, words and actions?

Slowly