you are more astute and in tune to relationship dynamics than many psychologists I know
*nodding* Lol. No other comment.... LOL.
Some things I need to mention to my W: 1. I'm coming back Monday instead of Sunday from my Tucson trip. 2. I want to begin a sexual moratorium which will last for three months. 3. Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.
HD, Its really good to see you doing something. *two fisted pump*
my opinions on your road conversation.
1. Of course. Its simply a decent thing to keep your SO informed of your comings and goings. EDIT Your not asking a question, your informing. so make sure your tonality indicates that.
2. Why do you need to inform her of this? If you want to do it, do it. Are you doing it for you? or to get a reaction? Your doing it for you, so its Not about her.
If and when she wants to have sex, THEN you can tell her. The timeline is NoneOfHerDB. If you are in fact doing it for you, then do it for you.
I would not normally take this stance of non mutual agreement, but with you and Cobra, bullys need a little something more persuasive then goodwill and consideration.
For ex. Mrs HD: [initiates.] HD: I dont really want to have sex with you right now. Whenever we have sex, it reinforces the fact that there is no mutual consideration. It actually makes me feel further from you then closer. Untill we can come to some sort of mutally agreeable arrangement, sex is just damaging our R. Im not sure if we are going to make it, so I dont want to do anthing that is going to push me away quicker. -(or something like that, if its how you feel)
If you feel something along those lines, you can think all of it, and say, Mrs. HD:[initiates] HD: ehhmm. No I dont think thats a good idea. Having sex just makes me feel further from you then closer. or.. make out with her, fool around, let things get really, really hot and heavy. Then Stop. and go to sleep. Forget sex. Get respect and consideration for your feelings.
3. I agree with you, that you are doing better and better. Let it radiate from your actions and your confidance in yourself.
It does not need to be said. On a BB obviously, words are neccessary. IRL, not so much. They want em/like em, but its icing on the cake. Too much icing makes your head hurt. A great cake is good without the icing. She will see it from your actions. Saying it has no positive. It does, on the other hand give her the opportunity to list out in extensive detail, exactly how and why you are not doing better and better. Lose/lose for both of you. Dont hand her the sword. Dont do it. Dont do it, because you do care about your R, even as your love slips away.
Do you like Martelo's posts as much as I do? I just love his vibe.
