There and Back, #4

[SallyM]

thanks all. what a rotten night. I suck because I couldn't help it...I did talk to my mil. i felt like I was trying to hold back the ocean's tide and was scrambling at first. yeah, feel bad about it now. I was able to talk to my therapist for a bit, and was able to talk to my friend (the therapist, no, not my therapist) for a long time. she, as usual, gave me fantastic insight into things. she helped me compose an e-mail to send to H but has made me promise not to send it for a couple of days, depending on h's actions today/tomorrow. She has told me exactly what she thinks h will do...curious to see if she's right. she has been 98% of the time, so far, I'd say. time will tell.

I'm still so hurt and angry and terrified. and I'm so happy you all seem to understand what I am dealing with, because I'm telling you, he is only seeing himself right now, and I realize that, but he is also the freaking puppet master and twists things around so much that he often causes me to doubt myself. I've gotten much better seeing the manipulation, but that doesn't make it any easier and I still get waves of self-doubt because of it. on this I am firm, though, I am not ready, the kids are not ready, he is a rat bastard jerk for even wanting to do it.

just not sure at all he does know he is sharing the planet with others. my 3 year olds, typically a selfish age, aren't even half so self-centered.

and atgo, if you find that silver bullet, do me a favor and find someone that will fire it off AT him.

lwb, yeah, what friend and I composed is definitely something legal. she actually thinks I should just go ahead and file at this point (for her, the writing is on the wall). I told her I need to wait until september (bonus). my e-mail to him (if I ever get to send it) has definite legal references.