How do you trust again without going crazy?

[saffie]

SO2,

I understand exactly where you are coming from but you have to stop.

Your desparation to find some sort of peace and trust is going to drive your relationship apart. Also you are absolutely full of hormones at the moment!!

What do you want? That's the first thing. Do you want to be with him? What are you most afraid of? Losing your husband? Raising a child by yourself?

Tell yourself that 10 - 12 wks ago you loved each other enough to create a new life.

You checked his mobile without him knowing and found a text to OW telling her it was over and had to be that way - that's good isn't it?

At the moment he is living thro' arrangements he made before you decided to work thro' things and although that is hard give him time to get those out of the way.

My husband was doing a lot of work away from home when we went thro' all the OW stuff. That was how the A had been able to exist. OW was one of my H's employees. I found every trip away he did after the A was ended excruciating. I self harmed, I was highly medicated. I did not act well. My head was and still is my biggest enemy, not the OW. It took time for my husband to change things in his company so that it wasn't him doing the work away from home - 6 months of hell. I had to make contingency plans to get through it - people stayed with me and slept over to make sure I was OK and to distract me.

I know it is much easier said than done but do focus on the positives. I have been going for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to try and change the way I interpret things and then in turn how I react to them. It is teaching me to be more positive. I also, (and I know this sounds stupid and everyone has to find their own way of doing this), have started doing SUDOKU when I need to stop my brain spinning out of control. I needed something that required my full concentration and stopped me running off with my wild thoughts. I generally find it easy to multi task so stopping my head was a BIG issue.

Pregnancy is well known for being a time for bad dreams and wild thoughts. It is a time when medicating to stop those things really isn't an option even if you wanted to.

Hang in there and listen to people on these boards. They have brought me much comfort. It has also shown me that there are many relationships worse that mine and that many in worse shape have been 'saved'. I have also seen that losing one's M is not the worst thing that can happen by far.

Keep posting and communicating.

Saffie