...the other choice would be- I dont want some strange, hence an affair wouldnt really solve anything.
I think you want some strange. buts thats just me. I also think you are monogamous.

Or you can continue in your fantasy land of monogamous nympho's and misleading your H to believe such a thing exists too, and tht you are one of them. Youll never tell him the real you and he wont ever be able to know the real you.

OK, I am very confused by this... Do you have something against HD women who claim to be monogomous nymphos? Truly, I love sex and think about it many times a day. I just don't act on my impulses. My personal idea of marriage (besides all the working together to make life run more smoothly out of the bedroom) is to have easy access to sex. I married the guy because I love him (in and out of the bedroom). I prefer to stay monogomous, but as already posted, am uber-frustrated physically.

Every behavior change you are looking for - to improve, or change -your sitch was outlined in my original post to you.
I have nothing against HD women, LD women, or nymphos. I like them all. The only thing I want to hold against them, is .... ME. LOL.
There is no such thing as monogamous nymphos. If you dont understand that, you dont understand the definition of either word.
Monogamy doesnt mean you only have 1 partner in your life, it means you have one partner at a time.
There is nothing impressive about monogamy, its completely normal. Managing your own desires and maintaining a marriage by focusing on the positives however is pretty damn impressive.

My personal idea of marriage (besides all the working together to make life run more smoothly out of the bedroom) is to have easy access to sex.
This remark significantly contradicts the following remark

And yes, the drive incompatability was evident after 7 years of togetherness before we got married. I didn't expect him to change, per se; however, the disparity has gotten worse since my hormones have kicked in higher gear and my kiddos are old enough so that I am no longer sleep deprived because of night time kiddie escapades.
 So obviously you didnt agree to marry him because of your current or previous beliefs on sex, and apparantly (if I so choose to construe your words in bad faith) you only stuck with your H because your drive was low due to kids and tiredness. Possibly a need for fiscal support.
Is that what I should assume?
Now that your kids dont need you and your not tired and your doing ok fiscally, you dont really want HIM.
Is that what I should assume --since we are assigning motive to actions?
Please reply Yes. Youll make my life easier.
I can hold you responsible for my lifes choices.

You can use your 'high' horomone excuse to justify your behaviors and actions, or you can use it to understand your desire. Trying to use that excuse on a man, and you just prove that you are not, in fact, empathatic. Men control their sex drive a l l the time.
IMO its analagous to terrorists telling Ghandi they are acting as they do becuase they are hurt, angry and tired of being oppressed. Im sure he would be impressed. Not.

Lets presume for a moment that your T is 'high' and you are a hairy wildebeast with a jawbone like a Clydesdale. lets say you are in the extreme high range of 70 ng/dL, and he is atypical of the motocross / competitive sales crowd men , and is running at the low end of the scale around 350 ng/dl (I seriously doubt it).
so he only has Five times as much as you, but your excuse for infidelity is 'high hormones'.
Uh huh. If you say so.


I married the guy because I love him (in and out of the bedroom). I prefer to stay monogomous, but as already posted, am uber-frustrated physically.

Ok you are frustrated. Thats a good step in the right direction.
Did you mean to say, 'I prefer to stay with him?'
Is that hard to say?

Corri --"He's also an avoider, and probably does darn near anything to keep from discussing this issue (just to keep the peace). <-- that IS his fault.


Loon "...you do have this right, at least."

Keeping the peace is bad, guys. bad bad bad. Its what you want, not what she wants. Give her what she wants, and she will very very likely give you what you want. You will never be done. You will never recieve a final surrender. If you want peace and quiet, live by yourself.

That's why I'm here!! I'm looking for specific behavioral strategies that I can employ. Give me the words, the actions - I want to know all I can do to help change the situation.

You allready know what to do. Its here in this thread. You come across as looking for strategies to make your H a better H, rather then looking for ways to be a better W, though.

The question is do you really want to. Personally I still think you want some strange, and possibly even have a potential in the picture. So talking to you about what to do would be a waste of time.

I would say the lack of empathy falls more on him than me... Being a good UU and girl scout leader, I can empathize with the best.

That doesnt make you good at empathizing, that makes you good at sympathizing, commiserating and consoling. Consoling is a Looooonggg way from empathizing.

and I already do so much to keep my slut-like tendencies channeled to better tendencies

Your horny. Your HD. Youve been stuffing who you really are for a long time. Why? and why do you denigrate who you are with a negative connotation. This is a really important question for you to answer. Untill you do, he wont ever be able to respond to the real you. Your hiding who you really are. Untill you fix this, you will never be able to receive what you want from your H. Wait that sounds familiar...

I guess this comment could be construed to mean- 'Im a slut and its his responsibility to make sure I dont act like one.' If thats the case you should tell him that. I hope you told him that when you got married, or he may be a bit blindsided.

I mean 14 years of the same ol, same ol is fine with me, but maybe he's bored and could care less and that's the defining piece of his low desire? My preference is to have hot & heavy sex with him on a regular basis, but if he's not willing, why is it so wrong for me to have sex on the side?
Uh huh. your working yourself into a fine entitled frenzy, and trying to assign motives to his actions, to justify it.
Thats not why for him. This weekend was proof of part of the problem.
Loon if having sex on the side is OK in your book, if you can look at yourself in the mirror when you do it, then knock yourself out. Quit bugging us for ways to control your H, go find yorself a wolf to FYBO, and be happy. You want to do something, do it- and quit looking for OP to give you a reason. If you do it, its all about you.

bat my eyelashes and tell everyone I know how lucky I am to have such a stud for a hubby?
Nope. wont work. Well it might work a couple times, but it wont last because you are looking for tactics to control and change him. Judging from his work, he is no slouch at reading intent.

Well your H has some sex/body issues as well. You certainly have your work cut out for you, if you want this to work.