WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[waw1978]

Hey Flipside

Good point. I never really thought about it that way. But you may be on to something. We started dating when I was 20 and he was 27 so that could have something to do with it. Maybe I was impressionable at that age. Certainly would explain why I let him get away with all of this crap over the years.

Is your sitch on here yet?

[Not Much Left]

Hey WAW
Us too on when we started dating and maybe why I had no real solid way / understanding of how to be in a R. No parents, so no real role model of what to do and as a result did it pretty much all wrong, as did my W (she was so young).

C

[savingus77]

I would have to 2nd that! I got married @ 22 and my H was 30 - I think the age difference definately has something to do with why we are where we are. I think he was expecting a level of maturity from me that I just wasn't ready to grasp.

[flipside]

Okay, I've opened a can of worms here. waw1978, I can't post my sitch. I tried to send you a private message, but you are over your limit. Is there some other way? We have very much in common.

I think that guys "in general" who are attracted to younger women usually have some tendencies to be controlling.

[Not Much Left]

Sounds reasonable. So we GUYS are trying to figure it out now.

[flipside]

Sorry........CVA. This is just from my experience. Although one could also ask why us younger women are attracted to older men. My theory on this is lingering issues with our fathers. It's just as much our fault for allowing ourselves to be controlled.

[Not Much Left]

No worries from because your statement hits home. Truth hurts as they say. That's why I am on these boards, going to a C, reading etc. I am 44 now, but that person who married my W is still in there and I dont want to be that person so thanks for poiniting it out.

I actually DO think the older man / younger woman thing is pretty natural as us guys are pretty immature to start with. It is rare that we ever catch up emotionally so we need a few years to make it at least look like we are on a level playing field!

C

[Gone Dancin']

Why can't you post your sitch, Flip?

GD

[waw1978]

Journaling:

I really think we are on to something with the age difference thing. It certainly could explain while we first started dating H was lots of fun and social and kept up with my busy social scheduel but as soon as we got married the fun stopped. Unfortunately this is a part of who I am, not just a phase that I went through.

Yep, all settled in to my duplex. I can't really sleep or eat and I am being eaten alive by my thoughts of whether or not I did the right thing. My H is a good man. I think he is starting to come around. but are these changes for real? How long will it take for the me to get over the hurts? I have been away for less than a month and I miss my daughter, my dog, my house. I am just waiting to miss him. And I don't. It just hurts that I cannot see myself in a relationship. The wounds are just too deep. I am also desparatly lonely.

I can really see how the OP comes into the picture. I am dying for human and social contact. I am such mess. I cry a the drop of a hat. I hate myself for ripping up our family. I cannot face my in-laws anymore due to the hostility..."how dare I leave there son" "what did they expect from trash". I just don't know anymore. Part of me wants to just crawl back home, tail between my legs and accept that I will never be cherised or equal in this marriage.

[Heimlich]

Takes two to Tango, WAW. He's as much at fault as you are. Your in-laws sound like very lovely and kind people as well. Don't stay in a marriage for your D or your family. My mom did that for my youngest, it's made her slightly bitter and she's been unhappy for years. To the outside world, she 'had it all.' Except her H was/is an utter self-centered [censored].

You are willing to work on your M. Your H isn't at the moment. I hope the signs of change you're seeing are real and that you can move back home in the future. Hang in there. I'm not going to say it's not your fault, but it sure as hell isn't ALL your fault.

Regarding your H's age. I'm 36 and still like to get out and go places. I think that's personality more than age. Though you may be on to something with the older/younger control dynamic. Of course, GD and his W are the same age and there were still control issues. Regardless of the cause, you've identified the problem at least. Keep focused on that until you're back together, then you can get into the cause of it if you want.

BD