To be labeling your W's problem as MLC seems a bit premature to me. Actually, I think many show some signs of it when you read the "Are you in MLC" articles. Rather it seems to me that your W left a R which was not as loving as it should be. You even say this. Also, you say you have things to work on. You really can't have a new marriage until these things are resolved.
My advise to you (and it is free, so keep that in mind) is to become the best person you can be. You have plenty of problem, so go to work. But I will caution you, you can't change overnight. Also, it is difficult to change much more than one thing at a time. I went to a counselor and ask how long it takes to change. His answer was that I was a certain way for a long time (45 years) and it will take a quite a while time to change. Actually I found that it was tough because you give up part of yourself to find what will work with the new person. Then you realize, wait, I always liked that about me. But you have to change for you, not her.
In regards to total detachment, I am not sure. If you have things to take care of with her, do so. You mentioned the lawn, etc. As for the token, since she seems to receive them well, keep it up.
As for the deep stuff, it sure seems that this was (and continues to be) a big impediment to marriage. At some point, I would think you have to open up. I don't remember where I heard this, perhaps a movie, but a man was asked about loving his wife. He said something to the effect of I know the worst thing about her and it is ok. Perhaps this is what you need to get to eventually.
