Since Corri’s Workshop thread is getting long, I’ll answer her question on a new thread. She said:
Cobra:
I'm giving you a heads up on something. I am ready to call you on your B.S. I'm not going to do it to piss you off.
OK, I’ll go along with that, though I think I’ve heard something to that effect from women before…. I’ll answer this question first since it seems to better lead into the other question.
And... after me asking this... do you have a need/impulse/want/rational to tell me?
OK…. Let’s see…. I’ll start off by taking a little bit of CeMar… it would be nice to have someone show a little desire for me, to show some concern and affection, to consider my feelings and needs to the same extent I consider hers. That would as simple as waiting to come home to eat so everyone could be together, rather than her stopping by Wendy’s and feeding herself whenever she is hungry, even though it is close to dinner time. Just a little desire from her to do things together would be nice.
I would like her to focus a little attention on the marriage as an end in itself, rather than a means to another end, that being her independence from all other people. This means finding a little faith in others. That would be nice. But there are so many steps in that path I don’t hold my breath, yet it would be nice.
Yeah, I know, this is all dependent on her. But remember, I don’t entirely buy the argument that focusing on yourself when the other person checks out of the relationship will make you happy. So I want someone with whom I can feel a part of the team, someone who does not pull back into a shell.
I would also like a little bit of Blackfoot, that part where he is looking for an independent woman who is not too clingy (not too much cave dwelling, not too clingy) so I can feel supported and not have to worry or listen to veiled jealousy when I do things such as sports outings, going on vacation, weekend trips, visiting relatives, etc. So there are some of my enmeshed needs that come to mind.
What do YOU want to have happen in your M, in YOUR life?
I want to feel I am building some kind of future for myself and my family, where I can provide security for my kids as they grow, go to college, and move into life. I would like to know that what I make is not wasted but saved for building a nest egg. I do not want the worry of whether that nest egg will be spent one way or another. I want to one day try my hand at some projects that could be a sideline business, or at least hobby. I want to be able to enjoy life and for once not wake up wondering what the next fight is going to be about. I want to live each day as if on vacation, where the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders (like that feeling at the end of the semester when you just took your last exam).
I want to be more than just a workhorse, bringing home a paycheck. My wife generally knows what kind of company I work for and vaguely what kind of work I do, but she really has no idea how I make a living, nor does she care. It would be nice for someone to have some interest in what I do, to have a princess for whom I can feel like a knight, to provide some inspiration, like Dieda describes.
I pretty much do what I like, such as the recreational activities, though that is not often. (I rarely travel and am home every night and weekend.) I control my money. I can detach and do my own thing, get a life, try to make my self happy, as best I can, and from that perspective, things are ok, but it really is a parallel living situation, not a relationship. As everyone on this board complains about, there is simply not the connection or the validation to make me feel fulfilled. That is what makes a relationship worth having. There needs to be sharing. There needs to be a purpose.
Well, that’s a pretty round about answer to your questions, but I’ll start with that.
