omg. omg omg omg. what a rat bastard jerk. omg. I knew it was coming, but what a f-ing self centered ass.
I went to the gym as soon as he came and just did a ton of cardio. the sweat felt good...really good. came home just as he was tucking the kids into bed (a little later than normal). I showered, figured he'd leave while I was there, but nope, he was waiting, like a f-ing cat waiting to pounce.
he wants to take the kids to ow's house. not her home, mind you, her beach house. omg. I am so freaked out right now. omg. he said it would be fun for them. omg. he thinks they will accept that she is just a friend of his. they won't, they are kids, they aren't stupid.
he went off on me six ways from sunday. all this is my fault...the fact that he is with her again is my fault. the fact that he moved to his moms is my fault. I tried to explain that although he has been in the relationship with her for a year, this is only 3 months old for the kids...they don't know about ow at all, but just daddy not living at home. omg. he is just so selfish. even admitted its because he's miserable taking them to his moms on weekends. that he snaps at them because he's so f-ing selfish he won't be anything but miserable there. and (you're following me by now) its all my fault that he is snapping at him.
omg.
wtf. I don't know what to say to him. I don't. he's so mad at me. just keeps saying that I win. I asked what he meant by that...I haven't won anything here. not one thing. he said, well, you get to do what you want on the weekends.
calmly I said, no I don't. I want to spend the weekend with my husband, I don't get to. I wan't to sleep with my husband, love my husband, be with him, I don't get that. where do I win in all of this??? where???? I stayed calm. he said his guy (therapist) said its better for all involved for them to all go to her beach house. I called him bs on that one. offered to go see said therapist together and maybe this guy could explain how its better for the kids and such. he, of course, backed out of that one, still angry, still going off on me. still hurtful. omg, so hurtful. asked what my therapist has said about it, and when I told him (too soon) he went off on me again, about how she'll agree to anything I say and such.
omg.
hlep me. help. me. anything online to back up that its too soon? anything that I can show him that is concrete? anything I can do to stem this tide?
what can I do? please, what can I do????
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
