We can discuss the movie at length and that would be fun. There are several points of spirited debate I would really enjoy.
I welcomed your post. Your intentions were pure, I know that, but it hurt more than you will ever know. Point after point of my failure. But it is honest and it gives me the opportunity to write what I write below. Plus I pull out my 2x4 so I welcome same in return.
Except BBAnnie, her's hurts too much
You do make very valid points and I agree with them. I also appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff. You went way back, must have been fun
Everyone here most likely will disagree with what I am about to say, but I am in a very good place right now b/c I have accepted that my M is over. I have shut this off. I cannot do any more. I just do not have the energy to try to save this any longer.
I no longer care.
Someone once posted that when it is over you will know it. I know it. And as bad as it sounds, I feel wonderful about it.
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You're angry. It shows in your more recent posts.
I am DONE. I try to state what I feel in a factual way.
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You unplugged completely and, to all appearances, you lost any compassion for her.
True.
I don't care about her any longer. She destroyed my life, my identity as a man, she destroyed my family and scarred my children for life. I will not let her hurt me any longer. I cannot. I no longer wish to see her or to talk to her. I will have little or nothing to do with her except in the context of the kids. And the fact is that she has already made it clear she does not want my help there and by law she has the final say in all decisions (thanks to the law, fathers are not equal parents).
Don't take that to mean I will not be the best father I can be. I will learn to work with her and work well. Just as I learn to deal with people at work who are not concerned with my best interests, only their own.
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It was emotional disconnect. You shut down to protect yourself.
True again. That is what I have done. That is all I can do given where I am. I am not strong enough to do anything else.
For the first time in 18 months I feel secure. I feel safe, as though a load is gone. Yes, the "books" say I am just in denial, or kidding myself, or suppressing my emotions to the point of harm. I realize that and accept it.
I choose to believe that this is a valid conclusion and a valid decision. I choose not to be hurt any longer. I choose not to "STAND" (please don't get me going on THAT word) and I feel at peace with that decision.
Doing anything else means TO ME that I do not have the self-esteem to STAND for me.
Want to play Jeopardy? Psychological disorders for $100? The tendency to invite and enjoy misery or abuse in order to feel rightous, pitied by yourself or others, or admired for forbearance. The question is: What is masochism?
I will not try and try again. I will not wait any longer. I must move on - the clock is ticking.
I am also sure I have learned valuable lessons that I will use in my future relationships and with my kids. I am a better man. And I accept that I am also a failure. Your lenghty post frank clearly points out how I fuk'ed up again and again, how I did not "get it". I will try to use my journey for growth.
I am glad your stitch ended up differently. I hope I am the only failure here. Your stitch is more like mine than even FIB's - similar personality context, same addictions (work, booze, woman type), and similar problems. I hope I can say this right, your W had the OM - my W used the kids. The kids became her emotional crutch and I could not deal with it. You handled the OM so much better. That is b/c you are 10x the man I am.
------------ So I try to give my viewpoint when I see someone who has been at this for YEARS, someone who is clearly suffering with little reason for hope of saving their M, someone who is an outstanding person in all other respects.
I give that person an alternative to consider and "permission" to consider it. Even Michelle does that in her book.
I tell that person it is okay to end it. It is not wrong. In fact it may be the very best thing to do.
Other folks may say "don't quit". That is okay. Some "insist" - that is not okay (NOT you frank). I never imply that anyone must take my advice; I only say that it is okay to feel this way and it is okay to end it with your head held high.
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Jeff, I CARE. I have nothing but compassion for you and your wife. I am not here to judge you in any way.
