Well Corri, Actually I was thinking a bit about you and NOPkins, but not in a bad way, and certainly not to be mean, insult or add salt to the wounds. Not sure where the "without a purpose and just to be mean" came from. I wasn't saying that here at all, perhaps I misread the posts that I responded to. Anyway, the early posts I was referring to were more just a whack saying "wake up buddy, part of the problem is you". I just went back and found your first post to me:
Quote:
GGB:
Oh STOP with that attitude. Right now.
As anyone knows, deciding to make 'life changes' and implementing those changes and 'living' them are two completely different things. However, if you slide back into the dumps with your wife, the two of you will stay there permanently.
When a woman has at least 20 lbs. to lose, it can be quite a daunting task. You want it off NOW. It's hard to go through those first two weeks of being good, keeping your comfort food away from yourself, dealing with your internal demons, etc., and still not see the numbers on the scale change too dramatically.
I think the best thing you could do for both yourself and your wife is double up on your support. ENCOURAGE her. If she is being crabby and moody, it could be she's already self-destructed on all the changes she wanted to make for you and for her. This isn't a 'too good to be true,' thing... it's a wake-up call for you that you also have some very difficult work ahead of you.
Sure it would be easy for you right now to return to your own patterns of withdrawn behavior and 'poor me, it was too good to be true,' thoughts. You are both being challenged now by real life. She HAS to stick to her diet, and YOU have to stick to being that loving husband you were last week, even though your needs might not be getting met immediately. TALK to her. Try and get her to open up. LISTEN to her. You don't have to fix her problems for her... she needs you to LISTEN to her, hear her fears, give her a hug, help with the diet shopping and cooking, maybe... I don't know. But do you get what I am saying?
Just because her good intentions fell off the radar doesn't mean that your intentions get to fall off as well. This isn't tit for tat. If you are going to make lasting changes in your relationship, you must first make lasting changes within yourself. Stick to your plan of being a more caring, loving, supportive H. That doesn't mean you have to be a door mat, but it does mean that you get to call her on her commitment to improve your lives together... and when she is feeling weak, or down, or glum, you get to carry the load for a bit. And conversely, when you hit a period where you are feeling low, she'll have to carry you.
This isn't HER relationship to fix, it is a relationship the BOTH of you must fix. It is going to take some serious introspection on your part to see where YOU at times self-destruct and get things off course. And you do... We ALL do. You just have to figure out what it is and STOP doing it.
Right now, what I hear you saying is, 'she made some great changes last week... and because I was feeling good, it was easy for me to do nice things for her. But now that she isn't being so great, why should I have to be so great to her?'
Isn't so easy to be that great H when you aren't getting what you want so easily, huh? See your challenge?
All I can say to you is, keep reading those books, keep your spirits up, and be the husband you decided to be last week regardless of your wife's behaviors... not because it gets you more sex, but because it makes you feel better about you. THAT's the tough part.
Best wishes,
Corri _________________________ You can't see what you can't see. Until you do.
There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. -- The Matrix.
