You seem to want to control the sitch. Either YOU STAY or YOU GO. You want to have total control over whether your M continues or not.
You keep forgetting choice #3 here.
(1) You stay and settle for an M you don't want. (2) You give up on your M. (3) You INVEST in your M by taking the emotional risk to being committed to trying to make it something wonderful for you EVEN IF THIS BACKFIRES.
(3) is the best choice for pursuing what you want in your life. But, (3) also requires you to quit trying to control everything.
