Last night was the evening I had H over for dinner and bocce ball. It went really good. I'm a little surprised at just how well actually. It was very comfortable and relaxed. I didn't feel any tension. Don't think he did either. I'm feeling more and more confident and comfortable with myself, and I see it's showing. What a difference it makes in your life.
I think one of the things that has been the most beneficial for me, is that I've used all of this time to heal... to accept, to forgive, to get strong again. And I was fortunate in that I had a good environment/sitch for that... I made it my focus.
It was nice to see him as he was, as I can't remember when he's been as well or as pleasant as he was. He was completely respectful and didn't have moments where he acted immature. I made sure to tell him it was great seeing him doing so well. It also makes me recognize that I'm doing a good job at teaching him how to treat me.
We had fun, and conversation flowed. And.... NOT ONCE did any issues come up. It was really nice to just hang with him as friends. And nice not to be wanting things to be anything more, or different, than they are. I appreciated that he didn't just do all the talking. He was much more interested in hearing from me too, which was new.
He flirted a little, but didn't push it. He gave me quite a few hugs, I stopped counting. One was super long, and he ended up letting a few tears fall but nothing too heavy. That happened after our wedding came up in conversation, which was really nice actually. At one point, he'd said "I don't want to ever have to get married again." I said "yeah, I know the feeling." He repeated what he had said, making it even more clear what HE was saying... that he didn't want to ever HAVE to get M again. I was like "Mmmm" to communicate I heard him, then I said "I'm not sure I want to get M again." During that long hug, he told me how he wished he would've been older and more mature when we got M.
We only got two out of three games of bocce in before it got dark on us and we had each won one, so he said he had a good excuse to come back again for the winning game. He tried to take that a little further, suggesting he'd get to enjoy another one of my dinners. I laughed, and right away he suggested he would treat me to dinner instead and knew just what that could be. I let that be.
We didn't set a date for the next game, but he was happy to have an excuse to be talking again soon as I mentioned to him that we might have some finances to take care of this week. He made it obvious that he is looking for any excuse to hang out with me and being more direct than he has in the past, but he still hints around about ideas more than putting himself in a position of possible rejection. I didn't think of it until now, but next time I will suggest that he just ask me.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
