Nomopo's Thread - Is something happening to me?

[Nomopo]

Hello WC - I've been following your thread too, just not much (if any) posting.

My advice (for what it's worth): No matter how you feel, default to the "moving on" attitude in any contact with W until she really steps up and makes it clear that she has finally realized what a catch you are.

Until then, enjoy your kids, life, and the feeling of pride that comes with being the spectacular person that we all know you are.

Now this is fantastic advice, and summarizes exactly what I am trying to do right now. The hardest part for me is moving on/detaching while being "nice" or loving or happy/cheerful/positive/upbeat. In other words, moving on/detaching while acting as if. That is a fine line to walk, but I am still working on it. Thanks for that post!

Hello BH85!

Perhaps you could have done more cheerleading but you have been damn near perfect for three weeks. You are permitted to have a bad day.

I appreciate the support Bro.

Thanks for the support NDDT and dlt1! I appreciate it.

Hi Slowly!!!

Back later, just wanted to bookmark this quick-fire round

I am counting on it.

Hi Sara! How was Cirque de Soleil?

I think your change in feelings is related to the "decision to love". There is just so long that a person will wake up each day and decide to love a person who does not return that love. At some point to protect yourself from further hurt, you decide to no longer love, and move on. Perhaps that is where you are coming to.

Could be. Not sure if protecting myself from further hurt is the motivation (could be in part), but more along the lines of I cannpt control her, she may never come around, I've been working on and focusing on me, and I am going to continue moving forward with my life. As of now, she chose not to be in it, so I am moving forward under those facts. And I am feeling fine with it.

Peter2DB:

I found your post very useful, as I think it captures some of the dynamic between me and my W.

All very funny at the time, but on later reflection I realised.... she's right. I AM afraid of her. Or of her controlling behavior, at least. And I suddenly saw that she is frequently, actively exploiting that fear. One of my confidants said to me she dropped her guard in making that comment and that it opens up a path of understanding and coping for me.

Fact is, she is (consciously or not) continually intimidating me with her comments and asides, and the endless rehearsal of the supposed faults of years.

I think I have spent the vast majority of our R worrying that she might be upset or bent out of shape by something I said or did. I spent a lot of time walking on eggshells, trying not to make her angry. Lots of people in her life have been like this, including her mother and brothers, and some friends. That "giver" side, if you will, has contributed to this mess for sure. Thanks for sharing your experience, as it opened my eyes some more too.

Dustin, this comment was so true:

When you finally let go of the fear of doing/saying something that'll make them mad, you will feel liberated. It was only when I finally refused to be a doormat that I realized that life will go on without her.

Thanks for sharing.

Hello SDFoundgirl, and thanks for stopping by. Would love to have your input whenever you have the time.

It was when *I* was fully ready to move on, to let H go, that he started to recommit. Literally...the weekend I was contemplating moving on in the form of dating a friend who could have been much more, H stepped it up.

As long as you are focused on YOU and what YOU want and acting on those things instead of fear or W or whatever, there are no wrong actions. We must be true to ourselves in the end.

That is SO POWERFUL, and I believe so right!

Gotta come up for air. Back to respond to more of your posts later!

Nomo