Oh, so lovely to hear from you!! I was wondering about you. Two big thumbs up for doing things you WANTED to do in Chicago. Sorry the CLF clouded in on you in Chicago... I'm wondering... did CLF come on the heels of considering everything that is NOT happening in your R right now? Seems you are giving the cloud lots and lots of your valuable energy... and what we feed... tends to grow. Food for thought.
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Should I do what I want, that is, stay/ eat at work? I suspect this course, because it seems like a cop-out on doing the work, building the bridge. But it is definitely enticing, getting an all day break from the CLF multiplier that is my R right now.
It could also give you the space/time to explore other things. If you are doing this to avoid the stiltedness at home... but you are doing so, consciously... for now, that may not necessarily be a bad thing. Maybe stay at work a few days a week. Go home a few days a week. Have short term goals lined up for yourself when you DO go home... ie., what are you going to eat, what are you going to DO, what things might you WANT to talk about (besides R stuff)... etc. Have a plan. IF you begin to feel gloomy at home, what will you DO when that happens?
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Should I continue to go home and work on re-engaging? I expect that hoeing this row will be long and hard indeed, and perhaps prove to be un-hoeable (yeah, I just made that up).
Hmmm... how FAST do you want to hoe this row? Or can you be a patient farmer?
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Obviously, she is still a large influence on my state of mind.
I'm going to suggest an alternative way of saying this sentence... consider it and see what you think...
"Obviously, **I am allowing her** to have a large influence on my state of mind."
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It always seems that today is the day before I start living, KWIM?
Oh yeah. BTDT. Listen to the song "Drive," by Incubus.
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I have yet to lay down the first track of any of my songs, get back to the gym, all that stuff which I know will make me feel more in control of my life. I'm starting back to the gym today, so that may kickstart me on some other activities.
How 'bout you give yourself a bit of a break (but not too much)... one step at a time, buddy. And... you get a Kudo bar. You REALIZE where you are. You KNOW where you want to be. All that stuff in the middle... isn't so easy as it sounds, is it? Fcking A, it's hard. And I think... it's almost stunning to realize just how HARD it actually is. Now... are you going to cower in the face of just how high that climb might be... or are you going to understand and resolve... that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step?
You are doing okay, buddy. Sing some. At the top of your lungs. I don't know if helps you, but it sure as heck gigs my mood... even if I have to do it until my voice is gone.
Listen to the song "Drive," by Incubus.
