Nomopo's Thread - Is something happening to me?

[Nomopo]

Wow. I can hardly believe how little I have posted in the last 10 days. Feels pretty darn good, by the way. Maybe it is part of the detaching and letting go. Trying not to obsess about my sitch all the time. Anyway, back to catching up on some of your posts from the last 10 days

Hi Charlie!

However as time went on I started to love my wife more and want her for her not just to save the M, I still feel this way but as I've posted on Puddles thread think you've got a better handle on this and it seems the right way to go.

I would say after the "real bomb" hit in January, and after discovering the EA in February, through the first few months of DB, as I looked hard at myself and what happened in our R, I realized more and more how much I cared for my W and whi I loved her so much. I think all of that is still there to be seized and capitalized on, but over the past few weeks (maybe longer?), I have come to realize how lost/sick my W is in many ways, and I am disappointed in her, and all of this has helped me to let go and detach, which I think is an excellent thing.

Hi there bar! Your thread must have locked because I stopped getting email notices of posts on your sitch. I'll find you later.

I've decided that goodbye does not have to mean forever, although I've been pretty much convinced of it up till now.

I guess it doesn't have to mean forever, but I am not holding onto that. I'm trying to focus on me (mainly) and my kids as much as I can, and I am trying to GAL and move forward with my life. The hardest part for me right now is I am restricted by these "agreements" we reached regarding our S (namely, that we will wear our rings, not date, not tell people we are S'd, and not split finances). I am considering asking W to revisit these with me.

Now I just feel there's no point. H is not going to budge from his position that the M is over, he is not going to work on the M. So, game over.

I think you are missing the boat a little here. Don't focus too much on holding out hope, but don't tell yourself there's no hope either. I guess the point is, don't think about those things (whether there is hope, whether H will work on the M, etc.) any more than you have to. Instead, focus on bar, and what bar can do to be happy and live her life to the fullest.

Hi there Kat!!!

Since your revelation seemed to surprise her and she said that she has to process all of this, she may realize that she is not as done as she thought she was.

Could be. I'll be interested to see where things stand around October 1st. Until then, I am trying to detach from W (lovingly - that is super hard for me cause I do feel resentment, anger, bitterness when I let myself) and focus on me and my kids!

This is great timing for you and the kids to head out of town for some fun. Give W lots of time and space to process, while you and the kids are at a great picnic!

Agreed.

Hey there Nick!!!

It took a lot of courage to say what you did, and I think it is really giving W a lot to process now.

It was a little scary, but felt very right.

The latter I think is very important, right now. She has been holding the reigns for some time now, and this shows her that time is NOT on her side anymore. She will have to weigh her options more heavily now in order to make a decision.

In a few weeks (around Oct. 1), if nothing changes my mind, I will probably push more towards moving on by revisiting those agreements about S (mainly, not seeing other people, wearing rings, keeping the S a secret, separating finances). I am tiring of limbo land, and am feeling ready to move on with my life (with or without W).

What makes what you said okay DB-wise is that you are getting to (or are at) a place where you are ready to cut bait with her. This isn't a manipulative technique, though it kind of plays that role. This is reality, and you are ready to move on if she decides that she doesn't want to reinvest in YOU and the M.

Bingo!

I'm hoping she will, though (and I know you are too)

Yes, this is still true, but I am much less focused on it than I have been in a long time.

Hi delia!!! I've missed you. I always appreciate your posts on my thread.

Yes, I think she was blown away.

Surprised for sure, if not blown away.

And I think you will just have to see where she lands.

Yep. I'm ready either way.

You couldn't have said it better about the children. You couldn't have said anything better.

Don't remember what I said about the children right now. Guess I need to go review my own post.

And there could have been no mistaking what you said as a "ploy".

I think/hope so. W had an IC session with our JC this morning (I think), and if so I am sure C reinforced this as real if given an opportunity.

And there you have it. Maybe, at some point, the enormous effort was simply too much, without a bit more of an answering response. This, for you, was a true show-stopping moment, a real 180.

Yeah, I think you're right on the money here.

I hope that it brings your wife closer. Somehow I think that it will.

That would be great, but it will be ok the other way too.

There was always something un-real about the separation your W initiated. It was like some Japanese ritual drama. It's not that I want anyone to be hurt--but at some point your wife has just got to butt heads with reality (if reality is a goat, or the devil!) and realize what she may lose.

Yes, and this is why I am seriously considering "re-visiting" those "agreements" we have in place about our S.

I would like to see her wooing you! I wonder what she will do, and I hope she does the right thing, and shows again the traits that made you fall in love with her.

Now that would be something!

Hello Puddle! Thanks for the kind words and support.

Ok. Going to take a quick break, and then back for more. Man, I really fell far behind.

Nomo