Got back from Chicago. Did all my business stuff and guitar playing. Walked in the rain. Got a funk going for the past few days. I'm not sure exactly where it's coming from, but I feel it in my "funk" place, right behind my sternum. Ughhh!
The kids have just started back to school, including my S5 who is just starting kindergarten. The upshot of this is that when I come home for lunch (I work about 10 min away) my W and I are alone in the house for the first time in a long time. Our interaction is stilted; limited to small talk about bills, kids, and any activities scheduled for the upcoming evening. The lack of meaningful connection brings me down more than I would have thought. It definitely intesifies the continuous low-level funk (I'm just going to call it CLF from now on), leaving me gloomier than I would have been just staying at work. This is where I'm torn:
Should I do what I want, that is, stay/ eat at work? I suspect this course, because it seems like a cop-out on doing the work, building the bridge. But it is definitely enticing, getting an all day break from the CLF multiplier that is my R right now.
Should I continue to go home and work on re-engaging? I expect that hoeing this row will be long and hard indeed, and perhaps prove to be un-hoeable (yeah, I just made that up).
Obviously, she is still a large influence on my state of mind.
It always seems that today is the day before I start living, KWIM? I have yet to lay down the first track of any of my songs, get back to the gym, all that stuff which I know will make me feel more in control of my life. I'm starting back to the gym today, so that may kickstart me on some other activities.
OK, I know I need to do the work of re-engaging. I think, after rereading my post, that I was just whining a bit. I need to go home, be bright and chipper, and be happy to sit with her or not.
LM
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
