I was thinking at lunch today as to what in life I want? What changes should I make to be able to reach for what I want in life? You know, I have everything any one could want. I'm truly blessed. I have a beatiful home, good food to eat, nice car, wonderful job, good friends, healthy and loving children, what in the world could I possibly want that I don't already have? Nothing. As far as my H goes, I can live with him, I can try to love him, I know that we'll have fun doing life, but I'm not crazy about him anymore. It's not even a mature love, it's a love that I have for a friend. Now, I have to ask myself, is that enough? The answer is yes. I've always enjoyed the friendship of others and I guess it ain't so bad to be married to a friend. Am I missing something for settling? Probably, but what are my alternatives? I wold love to have an open, honest husband who burns with desire for me and most of all I would have loved a faithful marriage, but that ain't gonna happen for me, not in this marriage and probably not in my next. I was raised in home where men cheated - I've been exposed to this behaviour all of my life and I don't know anything different so with that being said, it's a part of my life and I guess I accept the fact that men cheat. Now, I have to decide is whether I can live with it or if I can't. Right now, I'm leaning that I can't because I cannot heal from the pain, but I know that if I don't, I may be worse off. I'm somewhat journaling so this may be all over the place with my thinking. At any rate, I suppose I could be content to live with my best friend.
