Well, as for me..I was reading an interesting blurb in OW Bandaid thread by IMP. I think I need to address a VERY important issue..
Well, I read there was reference to "The Scream" painting..you know, the one that is all spooky that resembles the stance from the kid in Home Alone movies..
I just thought I would share a tidbit of info will all of you folks..Now, not to many people know this..
Ya ready?
He is my GREAT UNCLE!! Edward Munch..Who was the artist to the painting..
I know, I know, psychosis probably runs in my family, too, seeing who my relatives are..lol
My grandparents were straight off the boat from Norway in the early 1900's so my brother decided to trace our roots. Actually, he is a writer, as well, and wrote a novel about our Norwegian relatives..
Not published yet, but we are keeping our fingers crossed..
Anyway, that post made me laugh when I read it last night on IMP's thread..was going to respond but it was locked, too.
We need to start a thread about our encounters with famous people..related, neighbor, whatever..could be fun.
Too tired to start the thread, though..
Anyway, I have been home suffering from this dam* sinus infection. Seems as though the antibiotic didn't kick in so I have to call my dr.
Been busy getting a business plan togehter for my tutoring business. I have been online taking notes and putting together guidelines on how to help kids with their reading and writing.
As for the XH, he has been away so all is quiet. I anticipate some feathers getting ruffled upon his arrival tonight to get the kids. I don't plan on going outside to talk to him. I have been dark since he text me all those nasty things.
Went through my old threads last night. Wow, it was incredible to read what happened to me in 2004 and 2005. I have to admit, I did DB my heart out and I was proud of myself for that. Woo Mama..I thought I was worse mentally but after reading all my posts I was pretty strong back then, too. For all the crap I was dealing with (XH playing both sides of the fence with the Rat and myself) I had my head on (relatively) straight.
As for New Guy, he took the kids to the movies for me the other day so I could get some work done. Then, over his house for pizza that night. I do notice that my S13 is an exceptionally good mood when New Guy is around. In fact, I think S likes to be at New Guy's house better than here in our home! As for my D10, she loves New Guy's D8 and they hug when they see each other and get all sad when they say goodbye..I do notice New Guy's D being especially attached to my D. It is really cute. My D is wonderful to her, as well, as she likes the "big sister" role.
As for me, well, it's been a funky week but no news is good news. Summer is coming to a close and that makes me sad since I live a mile from the beach. I grew up on the NJ shore and was a life guard for years. It's great now that my kids are doing the same thing..They are really lucky..
Off I go to do my stuff around here. I have so many things I need to sell on Ebay but too lazy to get started. SA3 made a MINT selling kids ski jackets, etc, on Ebay..
Any of you ever have any luck with that stuff?
I sold a treadmill on Craigs List (a very scaled down version of Ebay) and made 500 bucks!!
He was talking to me while he was sitting in his car sort of yelling to me on the porch. I let him yell. It was about S's braces to be. XH wasn't being mean, just had to raise his voice to hear me..Too bad.
Eventually, I went over because he was offering to pay for braces and I wanted to hear the details. lol
We discussed D's dance classes (big bucks) and S's braces (big bucks). He agreed that he would pay. I said," that's fair since we can pretend that my C.S. is based on your REAL income, so you can pay for these extras."
He looked ahead and started to smile that dumb smile like he was caught.
He talked my ear off. As usual. But this time he was Mr. Humble. I did address the texts he sent me and how it was unacceptable. He said you made me mad. I said to him that stuff doesn't work nor intimidate me anymore. Case closed. I told him you act like a child and have a tantrum, I ignore you.
He started to laugh.
A friend of ours from a loong time ago stopped since he was driving down the street. It was great to see him. From what I understand he and XH are good friends right now. That made me happy since they lost touch for years.He is a good egg but going through his own marital problems. He talked both of our ears off about his wife this visit. I just listened and so did XH.
Then, when the guy left XH told me he tells the guy to not leave his wife and it is no better out there.
Funny..
Well, my head is spinning naturally since the old XH left and I HATE THAT..He looked like the old H and was nicer than the old H.
It's easier when he is a jerk.
But, he is still the male chauvinist as he told me he wanted to enroll in some classes at a local college. I thought that was odd until he told me he wanted to take cheerleading 101 and be the spotter..YUK~!
Today is my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY since the big "D".
What a difference a year makes..
have a great day all..
big hugs,
p.s I am not sad at all..Actually, I am happy I don't have to deal with the legal crap and the indecision anymore. And, the funny part is XH and I are cordial, too.
In the past year I finished school, quit smoking, started back at the gym (up to 15 miles a week), started a business, got a new job at a local college, did a good job with my kids and SURVIVED!
I know I listed all this stuff but it makes me happy to do it again..
In the past year I finished school, quit smoking, started back at the gym (up to 15 miles a week), started a business, got a new job at a local college, did a good job with my kids and SURVIVED!
List as often as you like, you`re an inspiration to others and we are all proud of you.
As far as XH's "epiphany"..well, let's just say he realizes the mistakes he made but does not know how to stop making them.. Newsflash
Xh just left with kids to go to a local fair which is held across the street every year. Right now is the first time in THREE YEARS I felt like he was part of the family again.
I fed him dinner.
He remembered where the glasses were which surprised me for some reason.
I purposely didn't put him in his "spot" at the dinner table. It would have freaked me out.
He spent time in the family roon with my D and her friend.
He hung in the basement with my S to hear him play guitar.
He pulled his car all the way in the driveway next to mine.
He brought his dish to the sink.
He complimented me (somewhat) on the new basement decor.(he left when it was getting refinished and now it is done with couches, etc)
He stuck his head in the window when I was doing laundry to scare me. I was doing laundry and the window goes to our front porch and he was watching me through the window while I was doing laundry..
How do I feel??
Uptight- why? He was a neat freak and overly critical of my housekeeping.. I found myself worrying about what he thought about the house, etc. Now, if you came over and walked in it looks great..better than ever but my confidence goes out the window when he is here. I am like a puppy trying to get praise from a master. I HATE that feeling.
Happy-to see the kids happy that he was here seeing their things.
Worried- that the kids will expect this to happen all the time.
Pissed- that he can come in for dinner one minute and text me sh ** a week ago. I am not putting up with that stuff anymore..
Amused- I called him to see if he would take the kids to the fair and he said sure..I said to him I hope u don't have plans and he said I was going to go to OW's to make lasagna...I told him not to cancel his plans(although I didn't know rats could cook!! ) and he said he wanted to see the kids. So, I thought he would be here with nasty OW but he ditched her to take the kids ALONE to the fair.
More amused-I ran out of ziti noodles so I made lasagna instead. So, he blew off the Rat and ate lasagna here instead..
He is still uptight.. He is still uncomfortable in his own skin. He was like that since I met him but it escalated in MLC.
I am not attracted to him anymore. And I am sad that our family is split but it works better this way.
My entire marriage I tried to get his validation. I was STUCK in that cycle and it sucked the confidence out of me.
I like myself better NOT being with him.
He must be wigged out.. I know he is sad. He was very humbled when he left.
It all seemed so familiar since we used to go to the fair every year together with the kids. For 12 years.
Now, I go alone with the kids and he goes alone with the kids. We don't and will not go together anymore.
You are a real inspiration for me, and you always have been, I hope you know that!
Glad you had a nice night with the kids and xh. It's good that you have peaceful moments of co-parenting.
One thought.
I hear you about feeling angry at yourself for feeling nervous and pleasing when he's around.
I suspect I would feel the same way if I ever saw my H live (and that will likely never happen until court and never again). I certainly felt it when he started MLC.
It was definately a pleasing thing back then - wanting them to be happy, not in a sour mood (my H was a neat freak too, and I am so laid back messy - not worth getting a D for, though!). Even friends piped in and said that H's moods permeated a room and made them uncomfortable. I suspect our H's are most similar here.
But, now, I think more than pleasing, the nervousness comes from wanting to know, and show, that you are doing great, BETTER, even. Not just showing xh, but yourself. I say this b/c I get caught pushing myself in certain aspects only to want to be better and do better than H's mess now, almost to "get away" from that awful and sordid life he has created. I think these guys put us through a sordid, dirty, trashy hell for 2-3 years, a life we had never imagined or grew up knowing....so now we push ourselves to be as "normal" and straight and high functioning as possible.
I spoke to another BB friend who had a similar experience....she wanted her H to see that she was OK, did not fall down and to pieces and that she managed to build a good life for herself.
Thanks so much for your post..U are a sweetie for visiting..
Been busy starting my business. School starts next Monday as I will be teaching two freshman writing courses a week. Went to a substitute orientation at my kids school as well. Guess you could say I was a little busy..
Good news is that it looks like I will be getting office space in an adorable Victorian home a few blocks from my house. So, when I tutor, the kids can just walk from school or their homes. The place is great and ironically that is where my brother is as well.He retired a few years ago and is in the process of writing his third book..I guess we have the writing gene..
New Guy great. We all went to the beach today and had a nice weekend. His D is a sweetie but it hasn't been easy for the poor thing to be hauled back and forth all summer between homes. He has her 50% of the time and when her mom has her, she dumps her at three different places..It makes my stomach turn. The poor thing is sleeping on couches here and there..has no idea whether she is coming or going..And CRAVES stablity..(don't we all)
So, the best I can do is make sure she is happy and feels like my place is a safe haven for her. I do encourage New Guy to spend one on one time with her as it is so important for her to be alone with her daddy.
I do have a glich in the XH thing again..surprise surpise.
He wants to take the kids to a Club Med vacation to the Dominican Republic with the Ow. As you have read from my previous posts she is not fit to be in the same room with my kids nevermind on a vacation with them. Based on the circumstances and the non-stable environment I am not condoning the trip. If he wants to take the kids away, he can do it in the country. It's ridiculous, anyway, because the OW just wants to stick the kids in camps so she and my Xh can have time to themselves.
I am in the process of getting legal support to not let her be alone with the kids..I am just not looking forward to the wrath of my Xh when I put my foot down. It is so much easier to turn a blind eye and and let the kids go. I think it great he wants to take off and go on vacation but even my S said isn't the whole idea of a vacation is to spend time togehter and not be socked into daycare in the Caribbean?
So, that is my dilemma.
I would be curious as to what other DBers have faced this out of the country dilemma? My Xh is not the most stable guy so international travel scares the bejesus out of me. My kids are only 10 and 13 and have been around horrific fights between the X and Ow. I am having a hard time with putting my foot down and not having everyone interpret my disapproval as personal..Like I don't want Xh and OW to go away.
I could care less if they lived on an island for that matter..just not with the kids.
My 13 year old son is having a hard time with understanding my decision although he is not thrilled to go. He thinks it's a personal thing between XH and myself..oh well. I don't need to explain it and I get to make the final call. Although XH is such a putz I bet he purchased the tickets.
BTW he didn't ask me to take the kids..he told me..
Oh well..
off to bed..we are doing just fine..I am going to ride this all out and get my T to address a letter to my XH on the kids behalf.
I mean, my T told me if the OW steps out of line ONE MORE tIME he was going to report her to youth and family services and my X knows that..And then he plans a vacations with her and my kids.
) and he said he wanted to see the kids. So, I thought he would be here with nasty OW but he ditched her to take the kids ALONE to the fair.