why don't I listen to my own stories?

[Dom R]

good mornin to ya!


You may have noticed I tend to be a "contrarian" on things.
Why stop now?

(side comment about your facilitator.. heh.. you've now been whacked 3 times. are you sore yet? )

about you "starting to question what is really going on..."
understandable. but futile, I think. Try to focus on the positive, and not mentally poison yourself on bad thinking.
Looking back at his actions, compared to your worries over the past 2 weeks, which has helped you more: worrying about all the bad things he MIGHT have done? or staying open to positives?

[btw: this might not actually be appropriate for all people.. but seems like you are blessed with a husband with relatively MILD mlc. you might be happy for that...]

it seems like you are in a relatively positive relationship position now, compared to where you were 2 or 4 weeks ago.
What got you there? fighting, hostility, and pessimism? or sticking to be a loving, loyal, faithful wife, even in the face of poor behaviour on your husband's part?
Seems like the latter to me.
If you believe in Michelle's methods... doesnt it make sense to "keep doing what works"?

Here's something to think about, and compare/contrast:

I think that you got "points" for being strong, and independant, when you demonstrated that you were NOT happy that he was violating your marriage by dating other people.
In contrast, I do not think you would have gotten any "points", if you said you had called your old boyfriend, and were dating him.
Do you REALLY think that would have attracted your husband to you?
Some idiot men, it might have. But in the specific case of your husband... seems like you got major affection(cough) and upcoming dates, and other positive things... because you have stayed faithful, in all aspects.

In fact- now that I think about it; I think I was WAY too nice after he let me know about his dates. After I got done being mad, I was affectionate towards him, snuggly. I wanted to reconnect because I felt like he had broken our tennuous connection with his disclosures. I didn't want our night together to be icky; I wanted him to go with good memories. That was dumb.

I dont think you were dumb at all. I think that you very clearly indicated your anger towards him. he understood it. He even kindasorta expressed regret for his stupidity. I think that's what got you all snuggly for him... and I think that is a wonderful thing, personally. You are rewarding him, for treating you better.

If, after you got all mad, he said, "well, I'm having a great time dating other women, and I'm going to keep doing it"... and you still had sex with him... THAT would have been stupid.

you didnt do that.

I think you've done great. I think you should keep sticking to what is working for you: staying open to your husband, and appreciating positive motion from him, while not approving any of the anti-marriage things he is doing.