Thanks lwb. I was so concerned with how I would be since it is H's birthday today, but we had a good day, and I made it through it just fine. Yes that is my next focus, I want him to be happy and me too and realize that God has a will for it all.
Nothing to update, seen H today, he took the kids so I could go to a women's function with the church. My heart just was not into it. Seems like a day or two after we have a good day, I get down.
Feeling really down and miserable, just so upset at him right now, and feel all those original emotions when this first happened coming back.
He was at my house and used my computer to send via email the letter he gave me when he first asked for the seperation to his nephew. The entire letter is about all my flaws, and all the things I have ever done that made him mad and why he wants the seperation. The only reason I know this is because my foster son told me and I was able to see in the history (he thought he erased it all). what is the point of that? is it to get everyone to believe his rantings and turn against me? I am sure it is.
today i am in just total awe that i spent twelve years with this man and I have no idea who he is or who he has become and how can do what he is doing to me and the kids with a straight face.
Cali, I'm so sorry that he was so disrespectful of your feelings. You are so right about not knowing the person they have become. I have a hard time when I see my H also. Thankfully, it's been about 3 weeks since I saw him. My girls are old enough to drive so they can go see him.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I understand all your feelings in your last post. I surely do. It can stop you in your tracks, the devastation, the feeling of loss and betrayal. Funny how they can name our flaws, but won't even discuss theirs. I want to scream "What about me? Who is worried that *I* will be happy?". Its like there is no room for our betrayed and abandoned feelings. Here is a good place, because people understand.
thank you yoyo and lwb, i am hoping I can work on a better PMA today. Have to see him again, my s12 has back to school night tonight.
I decided to text him last night and ask him if he sent "the letter" to anyone via email because foster son said he saw him emailing something with the words seperation. I did not let him know I saw in the history. He said he sent it to himself so he would have a copy on hand for himself. Also told me he was IM'ing the nephew I know he sent it to. I let him continue with his lie, it is so frustrating to sit and think about all the lies he has told me in the past year. Who knows maybe he has been lying to me longer then that? :::sigh:::
I have spent 25 yrs with my H and I thought I knew him really well and sometimes I look now and think was there a side I never realized was there. I like you have gotten all the fault stories and he had some faults but not that many according to him. He sure isn't the man I married. His dad had Affairs and he hated that and now look at him he has turned into his dad.. Its hard to figure. I have a hard time because he will call and act happy and how are things with me and like there is nothing wrong just like we are happily married but she gets the fringe benefits and he gets to do what he wants. We are in a financial business deal with his brothers so I have to talk to him so I keep up on what is happening so I don't get left behind. It is so hard and I feel myself becoming more cold hearted and thats not my nature at all. The hard part even though we are going thru all this we are like great friends. We can talk about anything. It is so strange. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy and I need to just break away.. Its hard when you want them to just give you a chance but in all reality I don't know if they will let go of the past and see what we really are or its easier for them to keep us in the past and that lets them feel like they are justified in what they are doing. I have had the thought of going out with someone just to see the reaction. I had a guy call me and ask me to dinner the other night he thought we were divorced. I wouldn't have went out with him anyway I don't want to go there. Maybe if a Tom Selleck or some one came by. Just maybe the decision would be tough.....
Well enough of that. Hey Hang in there!!!! We will make it!!!Life will go on with us or with out us....So lets Be strong.....
No don't be sorry about the vent, it is nice to know someone understands, my friends try to be understanding, but they just don't get it. yes me and my H are great friends, we talk about all sorts of things, but I too think he is to stubborn and will never let go of the past. I am starting to realize how flawed he is, and how hurt his past has made him. He had issues when I met him, and I don't ever see him addressing them. I just hope one day he wakes up and seeks help for them.
More and more, I am realizing that it is to late for us, and detaching is good for me, and nothing more. But he sure is not making it easy to detach, by wanting to stay friends. When all I want to do is run far away and never have to see, hear or deal with him again, but for obvious reasons that is not a possibility or practical. So I buck it up.
Hey Penny, I'm waiting for a call from George Clooney. I too have had someone ask me out, an old high school B/F. I think he has more problems than me, if I'm tempted it better be a great guy like the ones on here!
You are right, how can you be with someone so long and not even really know them.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I feel the same way...When they want to stay friends its very hard. The thing is he will call me and talk to me about things I know he can't talk to someone else with...I am like you as time goes by I see some of the things that everyone else has tried to tell me over the years that I guess that I didn't want to see. I am getting better at detaching...We just have to be self centered like they are I guess..It out of character for me. Oh well Life goes on by whether you are on the train or not so I guess I just have to buck up and catch the train..
I could watch for George tooo....That is the problem most of the guys out there have more problems than us and I don't want to deal with it I have enough of my own....Maybe we should start young!!!!!HAHAHHA
