I sure do appreciate your checking in on me! I'm sorry I have not responded/posted sooner. I work in adminstration of our local public school and with school almost starting .. well, things have been more than hectic. I get home (usually) totally exhausted.
That said .. (and I say this with EXTREME caution) there have been some improvements in our situation.
A couple of weeks ago .. a week after our last huge blowout and after walking around (for a week) not really "talking" and H constantly referring to "D", he finally broke down (more or less) one night and told me he would do what I wanted (?) .. "What do you want?" ..were his exact words to me.
I rehashed all that I've already relayed here (over and over again .. I know!) and he finally said that he would get back to work.
For the past two weeks, H has been spending more time at home. He spent his evenings up at the bar on Friday, Saturday and Sunday (Sunday because of a weekly biker night). "We" even went to the bar together on Wednesday .. to (in H's infamous words) "To get a bite to eat" .. And that IS basically all we did. We both had dinner, two drinks and then went home. (I was totally shocked/surprised!) I did my best not to show that and have been constantly telling him how much I like it that he is home with me .. so much more.
I accompanied him to his pdoc appt this morning (with H's okay) and what he finally "revealed" (although I don't think he realizes this) is that he does not enjoy working in the building contracting business any more. He FINALLY "mentions" this after wading through tons of excuses as to why he hasn't been working. He tells his doc that he does not have the "wherewithal" that he used to, to work. I ask him about all of the other stuff that he does that requires extreme physical stamina .. and that kind of caught him off-guard. Finally .. towards the end of the appt. he brings up the fact that he does not enjoy working his business any longer. The other things.. such as his trapping and the current logging that he is doing, are both things that he says he enjoys. So .. major question in my mind now .. is what can be done about that? Is his lack of enjoyment, in working the business that he has built for the past twenty years, because of his depression? .. And/or should he be looking for something else to do .. ?
He also brought up the fact that he can't work the "big jobs" because he doesn't have the help that he used to have .. to get those bidded big jobs done on a timely basis. I reminded him that because of the economy being as it is now (so MANY people out of work) that he would probably have no trouble at all finding someone to help him out .. temporarily. He conceded that Yes, he has been thinking about that.
I'm guessing because I felt "safe" in his pdoc's office, I opened up a little bit more as to my thoughts on our situation .. knowing full well that H couldn't (wouldn't) blow up in front of his doctor. Hopefully I won't have to endure any repercussions from H when I get home tonight.
H's pdoc asked me if I thought that H could/would endure another two months with even more improvements in his drinking/working situation. I said that because we have never been where we are right now .. I was "hoping" he could and I would be there supporting him all the way. H took this as a negative answer. He did not like it (at all) that I didn't say something to the effect of "Yes, absolutely, I believe he will." So .. wondering if I messed up there .. probably should have been more "positive"?
Anyway .. in a nutshell (yeah ..right!!) this is what has been happening in our situation. There is more .. but I've already written another book .. so I best sign off for now.
