Maybe she's just plain frightened for whatever reason and fear is a real desire killer. I know when sex was painful after my op I was so tense and though \I had the desire lets put it this way you know how the pain is when you have a piece of glass in your foot and if you step on it it shoots through you well every thrust was like that for me. Pretty difficult to want to repeat that experience but repeat it I did and then just couldn't face the pain any more. So I tried avoiding and just doing HJ/Bjs now and again. I'm way older than you at 55 and under no circumstances would I have let it go when I was in my 30's but decided that I wanted to do something about it myself. So I went to a consultant who said I needed to do stretching or have another operation as I had been stitched up too tight plus some scarring from op.
So I bought myself a vibrator and set to with a vengeance and am happy to say that I have zero pain and everything is going great guns except my H had developed ED. Happily that too is a thing of the past (so far).
Just wondering if you had considered buying your wife one and asking her to get comfortable on her own first before joining in. I honestly think for some women it is better to turn themselves on first after a long break. They canpace themselves and find out it is okay to be sexual again.
In fact I wouldn't ask her just get her one with some lubricant and tell her to have some fun one day while you watch the kids.
