Fired b/c of an Affair? Redeemed Career Possible?

[PArob]

Hi B-I! Don't know if you remember me, but I'm a class of '06 alum and remember your story very well.

In my own experience, I had sort of the same experience as your H, in that I was the first one to be unfaithful in my M at a time when I held a fairly sensitive position for a political appointee. My boss at the time was very conservative and as a result, I was let go and re-assigned within our organization with a step down in status and pay. Now, I was fortunate that I was able to keep a job at least, but at a significant reduction in pay. For a couple of years, I lived in the shadow of my former transgressions and the shame, combined with the guilt really hampered my chances at advancing (plus, add in the fact that I was expriencing other issues in my R during that time).

So, for several years, I found myself not even applying for positions because I believed that my past transgressions would be too much for employers to handle. Recently, however, I've come to the realization that any career impairment I may have experienced over the years was more a direct result of my own negativity, shame, guilt, whatever....rather than a direct result of my mistake. Again, when you're expectations are negative, usually the results will be negative. Masters of our destiny and all that rot.....

In short, while I haven't exactly jumped to a much better position (there are other considerations for this), I don't believe that my mistake will become a major issue for a potential employer as long as I'm honest with myself and with them. Since that time, I have learned a lot and believe that the experience, as crappy as it was, made me a stronger person today than I was back then.

The moral of the story, your H should learn to forgive himself and re-focus. I believe that self-repentance will give him more confidence which will assuredly be sensed by any potential employers.

Take care!