"She did not "have something you don't". It was a flaw in HIM that led him to stray, not something lacking in you! Don't allow yourself to think that way, it hurts and it's way off base."
Oh prodigal, I needed to hear that today. Thank you so much.
Having another bad day...found out he lied about trying to call me the day of the A. H told me he tried to call me, thinking the sound of my voice would change his mind....what a load of BS! The phone bill shows for a fact he NEVER tried to call me! Sounds more like another way to make me feel like sh**! He has been trying and I have seen some change but why does he feel he has to lie about the lie!!!! As if having an A was not enough but to lie about the things leading up to it make me really mad. I have held feelings of guilt and thinking what if I had answered the phone that day.......well no more of that because he did NOT try to call! I want so badly to get this all out in the open and work on healing but I feel he does not want to open up completely to me...and I need that right now...pure open honesty...am I asking too much??? I have this very strong urge to call the OW and find out what all else he has lied about.....a part of me wants to know everything...yet that other part says leave it alone.....AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!! I hate this feeling...I HATE feeling so out of control.......all this hurt and anger...what do I do with it all????
M 35 H 44 D 21,D 18,D 17, D 15, D 13, D 11, D 10, S 9 BOMB DROPPED 7/16/07 STILL TOGETHER, TRYING TO WORK IT OUT H ENDED A WITH Ow 7/15/07
It is very typical of any addiction. He will revisit the "high" when going through withdrawl. Expect this to happen. You both need help with this. Help where both of you can sit together and get your frustrations out! You are correct in wanting total honesty. It is one of the best ways for you to heal from this and he NEEDS to know it. go to http://www.marriagebuilders.com they deal almost exclusively with affairs and have a section dedicated to restoring a marriage. Print it all out and see what he is providing for you and what he isn't. Also gather what you need to be doing to empower him to keep up his commitment. This is a two way street. Your part and his. You need to heal the thoughts and feelings of distrust, anger and resentment. He needs to get clear of the hold of the addiction and understand what he needs to provide to you to assist you on a path of healing.
This is tough. Seek some professional guidance from a therapist who shares your commiment.
Stay patient, you have fantastic opportunity to have a great relationship with your H.
Thanks for sharing that site steve have printed out many of the info pages to read and ahre with the H. There were even some on internet situations. Very helpful! Need all the help I can get...we each have a theraapy appointment next week...the following week we meet togther agin for therapy.....long road ahead but ust trying to take it one step at a time...thank you all for your support and insight. Some days I still feel like busting out into tears will that part go away? I hate crying so much....and it seems to be wearing on my H too. Any suggestions on how to rid the thoughts of the OW that I have when he touches me or kisses me? I want our passion back, but it is hard to be passionate when the thought of another woman keeps entering my mind. I hate that he touched her and shared a very intimate part of himself with her......a part that was to be for me and only me.....He says it was just sex...but to me it was so much more...it was the path to my broken heart.
M 35 H 44 D 21,D 18,D 17, D 15, D 13, D 11, D 10, S 9 BOMB DROPPED 7/16/07 STILL TOGETHER, TRYING TO WORK IT OUT H ENDED A WITH Ow 7/15/07
I struggled with this too, the pictures in your head are torture! You really have to learn not to focus on them, you can't because if will drive you insane! And time as they say heals all wounds. I just don't think about my h and ow, and I am suprised because h told me about 2 weeks ago that he had been with her again, and suprisingly it didn't bring the old pain back, I just seemed to have moved on, it doesn't sit in my head like it used to. So just give yourself time, and slowly you will notice a difference.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Negative thoughts bring negative results. We have to turn this around. But, I want you to know the thoughts and feelings you have are normal. This is a stage of healing you must get through in order to restore the M. If the feelings didn't come out they would simply fester inside and you would not ever be able to put them behind you. Look at your emotions as a necessity, get them out and then move forward. Time is a key element and your H needs to understand that. He needs to be as patient with you as you are tolerant of his prior behavior.
There is a forum that is titled; Staying Solution Focused Workshop. Visit it and find any thread about staying positive, thought stopping, etc and gleen the experience of people who have traveled the same road.
I have a few things to share with you via e-mail, so look for those. I'm sending one right after this.
Stay patient, listen to your T. The tears will end and you will be filled with joy. If the efforts a relationship or marriage were easy, they simply wouldn't hold the significance they do. By making the effort required, you will be rewarded ten fold.
