Now you get to make a decision, independently of the feeling, on what actions you will now take, or not take. Instead of just spewing all that feeling on Mrs. GGB, you can go for a walk, you can go write about your feelings in a journal... lots of things. I'm sure you'll find that once you have identified an emotion, and where it is located, it takes about 10 minutes for it's intensity to subside. That's what is called allowing the emotion to flow through you. Corri
I started keeping a journal again about a month ago and it has helped. Like Corri said, it doesn't help with the cause of my feeling alone but it does help me deal with it better.
The journal allows me to release the pent up emotions and hurt in a way that is not apparent to the eyes of my 2 girls. I feel they are too young to see and understand why daddy is hurting. I use it as a cover so my girls and anyone else for that matter does not have to see the hurt that I'm feeling.
Hm. I'm not sure why you would 'hide' your hurt. Why are you not allowed to hurt? Why can your girls not watch you work through it in a healthy way?
OP don't have to see the hurt? Or are you just talking about a waste dump of emotion on anyone close by, just so you can feel better?
GGB:
K. I think this is going to cover masculine/feminine energy, processing feelings, and getting 'stuck.'
I've been having 'words' with the ex over the past few days on an issue. I have to say, I can pull out the stops on my masculine energy and ramp up to battle mode with that man faster than greased lightning. I won't even go into all the emotions that invade my body...
I could feel it happening. I had to keep the 'end goal' in mind, even though it would have felt, at least for a moment, so wonderful to let loose all those emotions roiling through me. I was doing an okay job of it.
When my masculine energy, IN ME, starts to emerge, I begin to emotionally withdraw from the world. A form of 'protection' as I prepare myself for battle. This is what my emotions are directing me to do. Everything feminine in me begins to fade.
However. **I** did not want this to occur. But whether I wanted it or not, I was struggling so hard against myself, and quite honestly, what I wanted was taking a back seat to my emotions.
I didn't spew. I knew what was going on... and in the midst of this, my bf is in the pix, and he has no clue what is going on with me, other than seeing this very stoic, controlled Corri, who was trying really hard not to take his head off for things that had zero meaning. My emotions were seeking an outlet.
I got stuck. My attraction and attractiveness dropped, my sex drive fell off the map, I didn't want to touch, I didn't want to be touched. THIS IS A PROBLEM for me. This is not ME deciding this. These are my emotions taking control.
I explained to bf what was going on with me. Asked him to give me a bit of space and some time to work through my 'stuff.' I wanted to set aside my emotions to 'connect' with him, especially sexually... I just couldn't get there. The best I could do in the moment was tell him what was going on, and STOP my mental nitpicking of his behaviors that were bugging the ever living fck out of ME.
Next day, I was still dealing with the ex. I was concentrating on doing what I KNOW works with him, rather than giving in and entering into battle mode (getting in the sh!t) with him. And oh, boy, I so wanted to. I kept reminding myself of MY objective. I got there. I don't know that I got there as well as I might have, but... I'm going to call it a personal victory (of keeping my feminine energy up enough to stay on task)... as I DIDN'T give in to my emotions demands.
And now I'm fcking exhausted. This is the struggle I've been talking about... the emotions are there. Period. They were extremely intense, and there intensity was going up and down over the past two days, as I battled myself internally. I have no right to let loose my emotions on anyone... not my ex, not my bf, not even against myself. They just have to be ridden out... and NOT buried. As the intensity has subsided, I can now talk about them and let the last of them wash through.
I went and worked out this morning for an hour, then I went and danced for an hour, to help my body flush it all through.
There is nothing good or bad about my emotions, per se. They are mine. What I choose to do with them is another matter. I'd rather be in a feminine state of energy as I decide what to do with them, for it feels more natural to me, easier, if I can stay there. If my masculine takes over, I struggle, I fight myself, I fight others, I can't 'deal' with life so well, and any little stress might 'set me off.'
To get back to where I want to be, I think of my 'purpose,' and how I want to live my life. I keep in mind how wonderful I feel in the feminine, I set a very, very short-term goal of getting through the immediate internal 'crisis,' and proceed as best I can.
I'd probably benefit right now from a really good, long cry, just to get rid of any lingering residue. If that feeling hits, I'm going to let it happen. For my overall health, and the health of my current R.
I posted over on MoJo's thread yesterday, griping and moaning about my current R and bf, and all these decisions I think I have to make, yadda, yadda, yadda. That's DRAMA. That's me attempting to rip stuff apart and create a really BIG personal crisis, so I can operate from a lifetime of habit (what SEEMS easy). On the surface, it is. Giving into that, however, and dealing with what comes next, is anything BUT easy, and keeps me out of kilter. I KNOW that.
This is me confronting myself and I don't like it, not one little bit. But too bad, so sad for me. Liking it isn't the objective. It being EASY isn't the objective. Changing the habit, changing my patterns, recovering my feminine IS.
If I wanted to be RIGHT, more than any of these other things, I'd have quite a mess on my hands right now.
I hope this helps. I'm sure I'm blathering, but I'm not quite back to center yet... sorry.
Oh, and you know where the intensity of these emotions are lodged in me? My azz. My lower back. My psoas. It is the energy area of the body that houses sexual and personal safety (fight or flight response) impulses.
Journaling... cause I'm working at all this stuff, too.
I've had some quiet time to myself. My emotions from the last few days are... easing. I put on my iTunes playlist of my favorite songs by my favorite female singers, I cranked it up, and sang along with the girls, as loud, and as with much feeling as I possibly could. Whether I sing well or not is not the goal. I do this to raise my energy. I pretty much sang, over and over again, until my voice got raspy and my throat hurt, and I couldn't sing anymore. I have this really sexy Demi Moore sound to my voice now. That makes me smile.
I'm not sure that I will have my crying jag, but if I do, I will not stop it, and if my bf is present, I will let loose... and let him hug me and hold me, and do all the wonderful comfy things a man likes to do when a woman looses her cool. I will let him comfort me, and I will concentrate on how strong he is, and how delicious he smells, and laugh at myself for being so silly and out of control... in a feminine way...
And I'm dam near close to turning myself on again. Dam... I love it when I start feeling beautiful in my moments of weakness and utterly feminine states... phew.
Corri asked workshop participatant's to identify an area of the body where the person felt the stress.
I know where the stress does its work on me. My stress results in back problems. What/where I feel when stressed is another thing that isn't as easy to identify.
I feel some stress in my shoulders and tightness in my stomach.
Corri I'm not sure that I will have my crying jag, but if I do, I will not stop it, and if my bf is present, I will let loose... and let him hug me and hold me, and do all the wonderful comfy things a man likes to do when a woman looses her cool. I will let him comfort me, and I will concentrate on how strong he is, and how delicious he smells, and laugh at myself for being so silly and out of control... in a feminine way...
And I'm dam near close to turning myself on again. Dam... I love it when I start feeling beautiful in my moments of weakness and utterly feminine states...
Corri, I hope things are improving as outlined above. Here are a couple of (((Corri))), hope they help.
Got it! I was going to ask you what I do with that lingering feeling when I try to let the emotion flow through, but now reading your post, I see this isn't supposed to take 10 minutes necessarily. I think the bigger lesson here was to feel the emotion but not succumb to the usual (seemingly easy because it is habit) action. Hmm, tough to do, tough to do. Here's where I'm at with it: It's been a bit over two weeks since MrsGGB and I have done anything intimate, and she's been avoiding being in bed at the same time as I am when I am awake. She says no, she's just trying to get x, y or z done and that's the only time she has to do it. The tries I've made have been outright rejected with I'm too tired, I'm not in the mood etc. Anyway, in the past that got me mopey, which she eventually responds to with duty sex. I've managed this time around to not get that way, but the result is I've withdrawn, I guess to protect myself. Not exactly man of steel behavior, but better than the mopey bit. Baby steps? Anyway, withdrawing somewhat from the R is helping me focus on myself and things I like to do, and doing them so it isn't all bad I suppose.
I know where the stress does its work on me. My stress results in back problems. What/where I feel when stressed is another thing that isn't as easy to identify.
I feel some stress in my shoulders and tightness in my stomach.
Where do you feel it when you are... proud of something you've done? When you laugh at a joke?
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Corri, I hope things are improving as outlined above.
Oh, absolutely. Yes, they have. I didn't end up having my crying jag, but... I continued raising my energy... and concentrated very hard on, again, my purpose, and what that meant in terms of my moods/behaviors/objectives for my R with my bf... sex was part of that.
I think the bigger lesson here was to feel the emotion but not succumb to the usual (seemingly easy because it is habit) action. Hmm, tough to do, tough to do.
Exactly!!! And yes, it is tough to do (as it is to change any habit). That's why you have to keep as much 'conscious' as you can.
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Anyway, in the past that got me mopey, which she eventually responds to with duty sex. I've managed this time around to not get that way, but the result is I've withdrawn, I guess to protect myself.
You need to figure that out... if you are withdrawing on purpose, because it is an action you have consciously chosen (in support of Who You Are, and your personal mission statement), that's fine.
If you are guessing you have taken an action... maybe to protect yourself... that is still unconscious behavior.
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Anyway, withdrawing somewhat from the R is helping me focus on myself and things I like to do, and doing them so it isn't all bad I suppose.
Sounds more purposeful that way, doesn't it? But lose all that wishy-washy stuff, and really OWN it:
Withdrawing so that I am not so emotionally dependent on my M is helping my current objective of exploring my inner self and the things I like to do.
That's all about you, isn't it? Leaves the W completely out of it... and lo and behold, you are focusing on YOU.
Well, the withdrawing wasn't really my intention, but doing it helped me not be mopey, KWIM? That's helping me to be stronger. I don't want to stay withdrawn, but it beats the daylights out of mopey. It also has the side benefit of not encouraging her to rescue me due to petulence, nor my getting down because of her "doing me" to prop me up rather than for her own reasons.
Oh, and Lou, different feelings show up in different places, at least for me.
Oh, I had to laugh a bit about the "all about you" thing. When my nephew was young his school had a show and tell thing that they called "all about day" where the kid would get up and basically brag about himself. Anyway, now that the kids are older, and firmly ensconced in the center of the universe chair, the joke is "Hey S17, it's not all about S17 day today". In fact, I think I'll declare today "all about GGB day"
Well, the withdrawing wasn't really my intention, but doing it helped me not be mopey, KWIM? That's helping me to be stronger. I don't want to stay withdrawn, but it beats the daylights out of mopey. It also has the side benefit of not encouraging her to rescue me due to petulence, nor my getting down because of her "doing me" to prop me up rather than for her own reasons.
I think these are all really great revelations and understanding you are having. Whether you intended certain outcomes or not... you made some discoveries by paying attention and keeping your awareness up.
You did bring up an interesting point... 'it's all about ME today,' and the whole concept of the Center of the Universe Chair. This is going to sound like one big contradiction... 'this exercise of 'self' is the one of the most effective ways to keep yourself OUT of that comfy cozy C.U. Chair...
Dam... I love it when I start feeling beautiful in my moments of weakness and utterly feminine states... phew.