And exactly how am I going to drag her out there and what makes you think she'll even listen if I did that? I have no choice but to move out. It's either that or divorce papers.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
I'm sorry. It's your life. I can't tell you what to do. I just always want children to have 2 parents, and I think she is using your goodwill against you.
I once staged a push to get my H to move out. I was having an affair, but I wanted him to leave so I could say he abandoned us. He refused to go. It was a scene. But it passed. And we continued on.
I wish she would go see that pastor with you. I will pray for your sitch.
Yes I wish that too. Right now she thinks she can get through things by dealing it on her own and seeing her therapist. I guess I'll give her some time.
I know my wife and I know she seriously need some space from me. I've always pushed and pursued. Didn't do the M any favors. And no she is not playing games so she can say I abandoned everyone.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Dave, Just a thought on the moving out topic. I've been considering this myself thinking that it could help alleviate some tension and show some goodwill on my part. If my W wants time apart, maybe this is the best way to give her that, but I was talking to my sister last night and she pointed out something pretty sobering. If you look at the situation from the kids perspective, they will only see that it was Dad that walked out. The won't see the nobility of this move on your part. They won't see it as a sacrifice that you are making to try and save a shakey marriage. I know all things heal over time, but I would hate to give my kids this impression considering I'm not the one that wants to see my M end.
Hate to muddy the waters even more, but this hit home with me when she pointed it out.
My kids are very young. They won't understand just yet. We will continue to lie to them to protect them for the time being. For the sake of the overall marriage it may be a necessary step. Your kids are a bit older so it is a lot harder to mask things. I'd rather be able to be reunited with the family at a later date if this helps. I'm going to look at this as a jump start for our new relationship instead of the beginning of the end.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
My kids are very young. They won't understand just yet. We will continue to lie to them to protect them for the time being. For the sake of the overall marriage it may be a necessary step.
Agree on the one year old, but not so much on the four year old. You might be right that your son won't really understand, but I still remember things from when I was that young. You'd be surprised at how much the do actually understand. I'm hoping that it is the step that give your relationship a jump start.
Dom - what makes you think he hasn't evaluated the situation?
Because he has not posted anything resembling a rational, point for point message along the lines of, "I know that the statistics on separation say 'this'. However, I believe this is because of factors x, y, and z. In my marriage, these factors are [different/not in play....]"
rather, he seems to be posting along the lines of "well, that's just numbers... I think that my marriage is different from EVERYONE ELSE's... why? Just Because i WANT it to be!!".
Thats what people usually sound like when they're doing things on their own feelings, without any reguard for marriage counselling, or research. Which usually ends up badly. Particularly because just about no-one is thinking clearly after having the "I want a separation/divorce" bomb dropped on them.
Instead of reading books about controlled separation, in my opinion, Dave should be reading more books on better marriage recovery techniques.
Dave, on the positive side, you are really lucky that your MIL supports your marriage. Take some serious PMI on that account
I hope the dinner goes well for you.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
If only we can apply logic to emotions then things would all work out wouldn't it? If only I can show my wife that going to Retrouvaille has a 1000 to 1 failure rate that she would magically agree to go. If only things are that easy.... This is the second bomb I got. After the first one we did try in the same house and things weren't working for her. Thus the second bomb. She ain't gonna go for that again. Have to do something different to save this M. First I need to get my wife turned around and be willing to try to work on the M. Right now only time with space for her and me working on myself gives a chance.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Similar sitch to mine - except you got kids (contact). I have gotten used to the fact she is going to be leaving my house, and asyou say DaveJ, am looking at it positively where and how I can - new beginning and all that. Stats dont lie though, so sorry to be realistic, but remember to keep hanging in there - hopefully your W and my W will both wake up once they have left and seen it ain't greener that side, and get their heads sorted.
I'll be with you in spirit friend
Me - 39 W - 33 M - 5yrs Bomb - 8/5 2007 Moving out - 9/8 2007
