That's why I'm here!! I'm looking for specific behavioral strategies that I can employ. Give me the words, the actions - I want to know all I can do to help change the situation.
Well, you came up with a doozy all by yourself:
Originally Posted By: loonyqt
the 2nd which he initiated after he came home around 2am after being out playing foosball Sat. night compete with massive sloppy kisses (which I adore) AND a brief bout of down under tonguing (which I also adore). yippee! The only thing I can tell you about Sat. was that we were at a kiddie bday party where I was all over my husband like a fly on honey and telling everyone (ok, just a couple really close girlfriends) what a stud he was... normally, I don't do anything like this, because a) I'm not in having-just-been-laid happy mode when out and about with him and b) I don't try to embarass him b/c he is rather reserved about his sex life... but damn if it didn't work!
Mmmm.... Yes, more of that, please! Making him feel like a studmuffin is a good way to get him out of his shell. Making him feel like he's failed you is a good way to get him further into his shell. As someone who's long had a tendency to be quite a lot like Mr. loonyqt, I suspect that he's got quite a bit of shame, self-loathing, and other stuff like that that makes him very reluctant to let loose in any way. Sex pretty much requires letting loose, especially if you want it to be any good. So what you can do is convince him that (a) you know him inside and out and (b) you're impressed with him and crazy about him. That should help matters, although only he can really address these issues and get his mind where it needs to be. I don't have a clue how to get him to do this... Mrs. Eddie didn't do a thing to get me to a doctor (and I can't think of anything she could have done to get me to do it), I finally went on my own, and luckily we both hung in there long enough for it to happen.
Oh yeah, and he may be "embarrased" if you brag about him that way, but it'll be the kind of embarrased where he'll protest because he thinks he should but is secretly on cloud nine.
Originally Posted By: loonyqt
He leads. I am not over the top. It is very routine, but still satisfying, and I do not complain about it as is. I have mentioned I would like to do more, but will take the status-quo. He knows this (I think) :-)
What do you mean by "more"? Does he know what you mean by "more"? Maybe he would like more but isn't sure if it would go well or if you would enjoy it. Even if you're up for more, he'll probably still doubt that it'll go well.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 08/28/0701:12 AM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
