FWIW...I'm an HD woman, and I'm reading you much the same way Corri is. Just because you CAN empathize with the best of em...doesn't mean you are with your H....and sorry, it doesn't fall more on him than you. I know you feel it should, but it doesn't....at the very least it should be 50/50. You saying that makes me feel you think you are entitled to having your needs met unconditionally....as nice as that would be (and don't we all wish it were that way)...it's not the case. A marriage license does not entitle any of us to having our needs met unconditionally. Believe me, I know the pain you are going through, I understand that as well as any woman can....I went a year with my H having sex only ONCE...and remained faithful.
Honestly, and this is speaking as truthfully as I can...there is more lacking in your relationship than just S.E.X. There is intimacy lacking...with intimacy can come increased desire for sex...but without empathy, you will have little to no intimacy to build from. Each person is made up differently...you have a higher sex drive than your H does, that's a huge pain I know. That means though that to get to where you want to be you have to learn to understand your H and what drives him.
Truthfully...look at YOUR behavior towards your H. It's NOT as simple as saying this is the behavior I want to see from my H. YOU ARE GOING to have to really look within yourself to figure out what behaviors of your own are contributing to the undesireable behavior you are seeing in your H (the lack of being pursued by him...etc.) It seems to me from your own post, with his own words that he wants to pursue you...but doesn't feel like he can, because you aren't giving him the room to do so.
There is REALLY something to be said in the fact that he's told you flat-out that he doesn't feel that you give him room to pursue you. I can soooo see that if you get ancy after a few days or a week. Out of curiosity...have you ever had your MD check your hormone levels, just to see if you have a higher testosterone level? I'm just curious...if you do I'm not suggesting altering it (just to be clear), but it might help your H understand better, if it were the case.
Your H is a man with feelings you have to take into account...I had to in order to improve my situation. You know...with my H simply bringing up the lack of sex was perceived as nagging by him, intitiating sex was perceived as pressure, flirting was perceived as pressure...even when "I" didn't think I was nagging....he took it as nagging. But I had to understand that is how HE perceived it...even if it's not how I intended it. That's where the empathy comes in....if he perceives bringing it up, or perceives your getting bitchy after a week as pressure....then YOU are making it impossible for him to pursue you, because YOU are constantly coming at him. A man cannot pursue if he is being chased....and it appears to me that you are in continual chase mode. Perhaps that's out of habit now, constantly trying to get what you want from him, but it's counter-productive. It's also a vicious circle that when we want something so badly we tend to do all the wrong things to get it....i.e. you chasing continually, keeps pushing him away, so you chase harder/faster/louder, and he keeps running.
So you say you try to back off for a few days to give him a chance to pursue you...but he doesn't. Know why? Because you've trained him to expect you to rush right at him again...he doesn't trust that you will be able to sit back and wait for him to come to you. It's kind of like when you play that hand slapping game with someone...you know the one where you lay your hand out flat over someone else's and try to move it before someone smacks it. Well after a few times of being smacked...your hand doesn't stay so still anymore does it? You pull it back and the first sign the other person is going to slap you...same dynamic.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as telling him that you want xyz from him either. Sure would be nice if we could do that and our partners would comply...but the fact is that men react to emotions and outside stimuli just as we women do...they aren't just logic/reaction based. There actually is need to get into all that Fruedian crap to change a dynamic within a relationship...and YOU are a part of that relationship dynamic...it's just a fact.
I think you will find that for any of us on here...who have had some success (myself included) there has been a great need to delve into that "Fruedian crap", and discover what other issues existed in our marriage that were stumbling blocks to the intimacy we so craved. And that my friend is what you are really craving, intimacy....not just sex.
Oh and as far as the "he knows this I think...." comment. Haven't you flat-out told him?
