I know you are right. If I waste time wondering why I am missing out on the present moment. I know my H feels guilt, but not enough to tell me he is sorry for all the pain he has caused. I know I may never hear those words.
When H left he told me he wanted us to be friends and to have our d's birthdays and holidays together. He said he didn't want us to have the same kind of R that he had/has with his first W. What a crock of sh*t that was! Last year we had d's birthday party together at my house, family and friends. Spent Christmas eve with H and d at my SIL's house. H drove separately, we met him there. H told MIL that it was the last year he would have d's birthday together b/c it was too uncomfortable. I treated him fine too so that wasn't the reason.
Now this year, H wants a separate birthday party. D told me a few days ago. She wants one party again like we had last year. I am not sure if I should say something to him or not.
If he meant what he said about having a better R than he has with his first W then what is the deal? If I can put my feelings aside for a few hours then why can't he? I think one of the reasons is b/c he wouldn't be able to bring Ow along if the party was at my house again. Ow would not be welcome and he knows it. We are still legally married.
I feel bad for d b/c she shouldn't have to worry about any of this and have to have separate parties.
Should I suggest it? I don't respect him anymore, but could be pleasant if I had to be.
This is what I want to say.....
"H, d told me you were planning to have a separate party for her this year." "She wanted me to ask you if we could have one party again like we did last year."
"I want to do what is best for her." "I know it would be uncomfortable but I also know it would make our d very happy if we could do this for her again this year."
" I think way back to what you said about the kind of R you wanted us to have, how you didn't want us to be like you and XXXX. "How it didn't have to be that way with us." "I know a lot has happened between us since we had this conversation." " I have lost much respect for you, but you are and always will be d's daddy so I am willing to put my feelings aside for times like these-- birthdays, special occasions, holidays, etc. if you are." "Like I said before I know it won't be comfortable, but if we put the focus on d we can both get through the day."
