Are we piecing yet?

[Have Faith]

Em

I know that my H wants to feel for me like he did for the OW. He has admitted to it and says now that he was in a bubble and he knows that what he has/had isn't real love, but he is addicted to the high and it is such an ego boost. They are crazy. I say you are willing to give up everything for something that will be short lived. He just looks at me. He tells me how I'm his best friend and what a wonderful women I am. I just don't get it. They know the OW doesn't help there marriage, but they are addicts.

Looks like you have really gotten the hang of detaching

I wouldn't really say I have the hang of it, since I'm really by myself. I do like his reaction to my imaginary boyfriend. I just don't know how long I can do this.

Thanks for your input.

Faith

[LL44]

Say hi to your imaginary boyfriend for me. LOL!

Things sound good, even though they are hard, hard, hard!

I totally get what you told H about the wound getting deeper and deeper every day he isn't committing to you. I soooo get that!! I told H that after he told me of the A, we should have 'teamed up' and faced the world together, especially OW when I have to see her at school, park, etc. Instead, I am alone, facing the world and he is probably still calling her. HMPH. Wound deeper....

[Have Faith]

Thanks Lwb. My H knows that we can't start healing until OW is out of the picture. He just isn't man enough to get her out yet.

journaling

Went to a gf house last night. We have a monthly meeting with a group of 7 ladies that I have worked with over the last 20 years. It is really fun and a good way to keep in contact. Got home around 9:30. No calls from H.

H sent me two e-mails about nothing today. He also asked me to meet him for lunch. I told him that I was busy for lunch today, but how about Thursday. He said that would be nice. Then about 1:15, he called me on the pretense of asking me what time our tee time was for the tournament we are playing on Saturday. He knows that it is too early to find this out.

I have a end of the year golf party tomorrow night. H usually comes by the house on Wednesday nights to do some work, while I'm golfing on my league. He knows that league is over. I have told him that I wouldn't be there and he says I thought your league was over. I say, yes it is. Let him think what ever he wants. I'm going to go home and get the ironing board out and leave it out with the iron so that it looks like I ran home really fast and pressed my clothes and had to leave in a hurry.

I don't know if he will be there when I get home or not. I hope not. I want him to go until Thursday before he sees me. That will be 3 full days with minimum contact. Then lunch on Thursday and no contact again until Saturday (which is also my B-day).

So I'm feeling ok. I think my H thinks that I'm spending time with my imaginary bf. I'm leaving on our annual golf vacation next Friday. H was suppose to try to get time off work to go, but with his new job was too afraid to ask. His loss as I will go without him and have a wonderful time golfing with my family. That means that I won't see him for a solid 7 days. From 9/7 through 9/14. I will not have my cell on either. I will check it for messages, but other then that, it will be turned off.

Everyone have a good evening.

Faith

[LL44]

Way to go, turning off that cell phone. First he is bitter he can't go, then he won't be able to contact you? Oh yeah, dark is good.

He seems to be reaching out a bit for you, that's wonderful!!

[Have Faith]

Lwb

Thank you for posting on my thread. It really is so important to me to be able to talk to people who do understand that I can't just throw the bum out. Until you are in the situation, you can't say what you would do. It is go great to get the support and encouragement we get here.

Journaling

Worked out after work last night. Every night that I'm at the gym, I'm always hoping that he will show up. This would be a sign that we are moving in the right direction. But, he doesn't, or at least not yet. He knows this is HUGH to me. Even if he doesn't spend anytime with OW outside of the gym, he still sees her everyday that he works out. That is why he had to move out. Until he doesn't have contact of any type with her, he can continue sleeping on an air mattress and living out of Wal-mart bags. That is his choice.

Got an e-mail from him this am that was sent at 9:30pm last night saying that "I do miss you. No doubt about that. I was really liking the evenings, cooking, and time we spent together". Ya, I'm thinking you sure had it made. Now you can cook your own dinner (or have OW do it) and spend your time at her shack instead of our beautiful home. It is your choice. I wrote back "Thank you. That is nice. Have a good day." I did not tell him that I missed him too or that I missed cooking dinner for him.

Well tonight I go to a party with a group of my golf buddies. I will leave the ironing board and iron out when I leave tonight. He is suppose to be over sometime to do some work and pick up his mail. Let him think that I was in a hurry and was going on a hot date with Imaginary bf. I wonder if he will still be there when I get home.

Faith

[Heartbroken]

Faith,

I have been reading your sitch - since you seem to feel mine is only a few months/weeks ahead of yours.

It truly is an addiction our WAS have-- and I think the more you get your H to see what his life will REALLY be like without your and your friendship the better your chances of him breaking clean once and for all.

In my sitch it was the combo of the kids and I being gone that week in June (and I too did say I was NOT going to call him - I made it from Sat - till Thursday and then I was missing him so bad I called...) and the fact his OW was getting out of control - trying to manipulate him into something he was not ready for. There are so many factors that helped get us back together - I am not sure exactly how or why it even happened.

Just wanted you to know I would be doing the same things you are doing right now! Be friendly but lure him back - let him see what he is throwing away! Keep the faith, Faith! You are in my prayers!!

HB

[Have Faith]

HB

Thanks for your insight. I'm really looking forward to my trip. I know that I will talk to him, but I will not call him. I know that if he doesn't get a hold of me, he will call my brother's cell. That's ok. I will talk to him, I just won't make the calls and I will try to avoid as much contact as possible.

I have no idea about where he and OW are in their relationship. I just know that since he thinks that other men are interested in me, he has told me that he is feeling emotions about me that have surprised him. What ever that means. In the mean time I must move forward, with or without him.

Thanks you for your input and prayers. Everyday I just keep telling myself to trust in the Lord. He knows where I'm going and it will be a better place.

Faith.

[chicki]

Wow you really have the GALng part down pack. I guess it easier for you since you have no kids.

Its hard for me, I cant count on my mother to watch. I have three tiny ones so paying a babysitter can get expensive. I was swaping the kids w/ H every other weekend,but had recently stopped b/c the kids sleeping over OWs' was really getting to me.
Thsi weekend is the first in a while they will stay w/ him b/c I have to take my grandfather out of town.

Mu one close freind moved to another state not too long ago so other thant that I have lost touch with other freinds dut to the fact that H would never let me go on anay girls night out. So, I think I will plan something Friday evening. It use to get to him when he come by unannouced & see me all dolled up and ready to go out.

[Have Faith]

chicki

I don't know how old you are, but since you have young children, then I would assume you are probably in your late or 20's or early 30's. So, yes you are right it is easier for me to go out, but you too can GAL. It doesn't have to be going out. It can and should include your children. Maybe some trips to the zoo or the park. Something that gets you and the kids out of the house. Even church events. Try to lead "as if" your life was full. Not an easy thing to do, but take it one step at a time. It does get easier.

Take care chicki and thank you for your post.

[Have Faith]

Update;

So I get an e-mail from H asking me if I had found someone to replace him in our foursome for golf when I go on vacation in a couple of week. I tell him that I have a call into my BIL and expect a call this pm and that the male friend that I asked couldn't go.
He then e-mails me back and says that he ask his manager for the week off (finally) and he might be able to go. He would know for sure tomorrow or Friday. I tell him that if it is meant to be it will. He writes back and says, "well I hope you still want me to go." I say, "we all will be happy if you can go" and left it at that. He seemed very proud that he finally asked his manager if he could go and wanted accolates for doing it. I told him it was a positive step.

It seems the more that I back off, the more he moves toward me. Maybe it is just my imagination.

Faith