Hang in there, we'll get you through this. Don't panic - remember your old pals Time and Patience?
OK, first things first. DBing (in my opinion) starts with YOU, not with the relationship. How are YOU doing? How's your PMA? Are you still working on GALing? Do you feel strong and confident and happy? Once your H comes back to the M, that's not the time to backslide into your old habits - that's the time to double your DBing efforts. DBing is what got you to that happy place - keep going forward from there, for YOURSELF.
Second, remember that this is a journey, and you never really reach the end. That's why we're here in the Piecing forum - because there's still plenty of work to do. The bottom line is that a relationship, even a happy one, requires constant care and feeding. What I'm saying is, don't fall into the trap of assuming that one day there's a light switch flipped and everybody lives blissfully ever after.
Third, if it weren't for this stuff from the phone and the Internet, how would you have said your R was coming along? You said H is back in school - that sounds like a positive thing. Is it? You mentioned an old job - what happened there? Is he struggling with stuff to do with employment and self-worth?
Fourth, maybe H has had some problems - even some backslides. Keep in mind that we ALL have backslides. And if he did, maybe he does feel guilty about it and nervous about you knowing, just due to the problems your R has faced in the past year. Perhaps, without further evidence of real problems, it would be OK to give him the benefit of the doubt?
And finally, I'm going to say something I think you already know. QUIT SNOOPING. For one thing, it just about always takes you down the dark path, rather than improving things. For another, you can't build a trusting relationship by spying on your spouse.
Trust is a choice... I refer you back to one of my best posts ever from my own thread - some of the toughest and most worthwhile lessons I ever learned were about trust, at this time: Rob's lesson about trust
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
