Limboland part 4

[bookpusher]

UD - nope my DD is about the same as your son. <sigh>

Today's Hororscope for Taurus:

The older we get, the wiser we become. We grow more tolerant, more good-humoured, more easily able to handle our own problems and to give good advice to others. Well, that's the theory. In practice? Well, actually, open-mindedness is a quality of youth, not age. It is not experience that makes us wise; it is a 'willingness to learn'. That is something we can have (or fail to have) at any point in our life. Here's your chance to discover something new about how to triumph over adversity.


This is so true today for me. I just got off the phone with Al Turtle. He is an imago therapist and really amazing! (http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog). He gave me a lot of insight into H. The avoidance, guilt and pain AND gave me hope! It all boils down to what we have been told a billion times here....work on yourself and visibly show that to the other person. (Along with survive and don't pursue).

For me he said that I should work on impatience, asking questions (H probably associates questions with conflict and he avoids conflict), my blindness to things going around me, arguing and interrupting. AGGGHHH! I need to work on mirroring which is saying things such as "Let me see if I got what you said" and to make sure each person gets to their point before I talk. The first statement is usually not the point and the point may be the 25 sentence.

Some general notes: The way to "question" H since he conflict avoids is to say something like "the other day you said something that baffled me and I would like to know more about what you felt. Could you tell me later more about it?" (see his master/slave paper)

I asked what I could do now to show H visibly that I am trying new things to change. He suggest an email so could you give me input on this (Mr. Turtle did say to "that moving out made sense")




Dear H;

I was speaking with a therapist, Al Turtle, and going to a couselor trying to get a better perspective on how I can improve the way I communicate and interact with others. Mr.Turtle said that your moving out made sense. I would like you to know that I am trying to work on myself and my part of our relationship. Any help you can give me to try and understand myself better would be appreciated.


What do you think about the wording?