Theo,

I am certainly no expert here,but I remember reading another website how bringing it out in the open to everyone sometimes helps the reality settle in faster. I am sure at first she will be furious at you and you might feel like you are moving backward,but dont let that stop you. Let her get mad and tehn she will have to get over it.

IMO the OM's wife needs to know. Then and only then will the REAL pressure start.