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[dlt1]

Hey Atlas, hope today was a good day.

[walkingcliche]

Hey Atlas, hope today was a good day.

Didn't even have to use the AK?

Atlas,

You and me are worlds apart, despite our superficial similarities. I'm not sure I would call this advice, but let me share a little bit from my sitch:

My S was looking forward to going to church with his Mommy and Daddy this morning, even though no one had told him that it was going to happen. W backed out last night for whatever reason. This morning, S was in a horrible mood (he's an exceptionally even-keeled, good natured kid, so his worst is better than some kid's best), and I beleive it was mostly due to disappointment over the church thing. He never mentioned it or asked about it, but he was not being himself. Yes, this was hard for me: I had plenty on my mind, did not get enough sleep last night, etc...

I cannot describe to you the pride I feel in myself right now. I used every bit of what I have learned (CP, verbal judo, self-confidence and calm, you name it) and managed to pull him out of it before lunch. I can't offer you a magic bullet, but I can tell you that your S can and will respond to your efforts if you go about it the right way. Some of the things that worked for me:

-Happy, upbeat, no matter what S said or did
-S says "I don't like you", I say "Well, who can blame you?"
-Tickle when appropriate
-Remember what it was like to be a kid, and what made you the happiest then
-Forget about your problems and your W's problems, just focus on solutions for your S

None of this helps you, I know, but I can feel how much you care about your kid. I just want you to know that it can be done. Once you believe that, I know you will figure out what will work in your sitch (Because you are capable, yes, but mostly because you love your S).

Wish there was more that I could do,
WC

[Atlas]

Back to the odd behavior.

Saturday W calls to check on S, she was trying to talk on the phone with me but I just wasn't a real chatty kathy. There was no mention of the nights festivities that she wanted to attend with S and I, and I didn't bring it up. S and I had a great time that night and things went well.

Next day I text her to see what time she is picking him up. About an hour after her answer she calls and says she "wants to see her boys," so she is coming earlier. Apparently I must be letting her think I'm still into this since she considers me one of her boys. Well she shows up and I'm watching baseball, something she couldn't stand. She sits down and talks with me, then she starts with the character assasination. "You know what makes me mad, when you...." I know it's not good DB'ing but I finally turned to her and interupted and said I wasn't going to sit here and be told how sh@#$# of a H I am.

Then she follows me around the house, back to being very nice and a little flirty with me. I didn't respond to anything and just went about my business and was nice.

What really is getting me is what is going on. So a week ago I get the divorce papers that she hasn't filed. She wanted to rush it through and we need to discuss the terms. Now she won't sit down and do that, and I pushed for that last Friday. She asked that I not talk about it and just wait for now. Sunday no word of it mentioned. I don't know why she can't just pull the trigger and move on. I hate limbo.

From my side I would love things to work, but I can't continue without any hope, nor do I want to. I think maybe I should set a date or something and once it is crossed I file and move on with my life. Probably should make it noon today. haha!

Oddly enough while I hate the limbo, I'm having a really good time. I'm getting out and things she does don't seem to bother me too much. I meet up with some friends this weekend and the sad part is there isn't a mutual friend left that W and I had that doesn't think she has lost it. W has brought this up to, that she has been blacklisted by everyone, when she said that all I could do in a snide voice was say "I wonder why?"

Everyone have a good Monday, I'm sure mine will be filled with amazing interactions with my W.

[Heimlich]

Atlas,

Man, this is like a soap opera. Good for you on standing up for yourself.

As I mentioned a few days ago, she's not done with you or the M. My only concern, as it is for you, is is her interest real or is it a front because she's worried about money?

Sounds like she's liking your picnic (let me know what you've got in your basket, I'd like my W to start checking out my picnic in a few weeks). I'm with you on how hard this whole detachment thing is, but you sound different/happier than you did last week.

Keep us posted on your next episode of "As the WAS Turns."

BD

[Atlas]

Heimlich,

I'll tell ya whats in the basket, for me there is no fake it until you make it. As soon as I lost interest, which she can see, she immediately started chasing. You always want something you can't have. If I extend a feeler it gets put down every time.

I don't know, I just woke up one day and realized I can't go around feeling sorry for myself, I'm not 8 and I don't need her. I want her, but I don't need her. There are so many gorgeous women out there that would be so happy to be married to a guy like me, and that I could treat well and enjoy life with. If my W doesn't want that opportunity, so be it, there will be others.

I guess I finally just put the LRT into play for real, no contact period. PERIOD, I don't answer, she leaves a VM and I text back. When she shows I'm not standing at the door with his stuff to rush em off, shows I'm hurt. I sit on the couch in the t-shirt watching ball, yell come in and let her round up the crap.

This is horrible and sexist, but women can not stand when a guy shows them indiffrence. They have to be either loved or hated and if they aren't in one of those categories, they will work to get there. I'm really indiffrent at this point, I haven't been upset over it in weeks, there are times I see her and I think damn that women is sexy, and others where I look at her and think idiot, I want no part of you, your family and anything it touches.

Heimlich, it's like this and I'm rambling. The OM makes them feel special, that brings guilt, well the guilt is smoothed over if we get angry with them, because then they have justification. Well why should you hang with their rope, let them hang themselves. Remove yourself from the sitch and they fall apart.

[Not Much Left]

Nice
C

[Heimlich]

Atlas,

That does make some sense. Doubt it's true for everyone, but there's an element to it. Honestly, I've thought to myself at first "Am I doing this because she doesn't want me or because I want her?"

As I pull back, we'll see how she acts. She kind of seems a bit angry at times, more than in the past, towards the girls. I think she's feeling guilty, especially about our oldest.

Should be out of here in two weeks. I'll pack some serious detachment in my basket.

BD

[Atlas]

Heimlich,

Maybe if I put it this way it will help. You and I are both in love with your old wives. So much so, it hurts to see them leave. But guess what, they didn't leave, the morphed into the aliens first and the alien left. No matter what you do, who you are, how you change, we all have to face the fact that our S is GONE!!! You will never have that S back again. The experiance is to profound and to deep to not have an everlasting effect on the R be it good or bad.

This isn't to say you can't have a new R with the changed S. My W is gone, she will never be that W I had before, even if she were to come home. That is when I realized that I wasn't dealing with her. Honestly, if she came begging at my door I don't know if I could accept right now, next week or ever. I might be done, I might not be. I'm fine with that, I still breath and believe it or not I'm alive and sun shines.

Just get to that place where there is peace with you and from there anything is possible and it will be YOUR CHOICE!

[Heimlich]

Atlas,

Makes even more sense. I'm about 98% there.

The hard part now is that my W, other than not wanting to be with me, is back to her old self (which is both good and bad, she's got herself some faults). So, it's been hard to see that alien lately. Other than lack of intimacy, our R is better than it's been in quite a while.

Looking forward to getting out and realizing one of two things: I can still deal with her faults in an open and honest R and retain some hope OR realizing that she's not someone I want to spend my life with because of our differences.

I came to that same realization as you, that our R is over, a while back. Anything going forward would be starting new.

You really do sound good.

BD

[dlt1]

Atlas, you are sounding real well. So good to see. Interesting on the chase. My W said that she chased me for a good year as I never really committed to her until she moved here. Then we were engaged in a few months and you know the rest. I didn't commit to her for awhile b/c we started on a physical level and as I kept feeling closer to her, I made myslef cautious about feeling it just b/c of the physical.
So once they get what they want, they don't want it? She's a loon, that's for sure.
Keep getting out and doing things for you, it's working. You are surviving.