I'm sorry you are at the point you are at. I know how depressing it is. But you have offered a very good solution. I hope that your wife will agree to give Retrouvaille a chance. All they ask is that you go "with an open mind and a willing heart". And I know from experience, 1/2 the hearts in that room on Friday night were not very willing at all, but they were there. It is not 3 days though, it is less than 48 hours, from 7 on Friday night til 5 on Sunday afternoon.
If you call the number of your local Retrouvaille group listed on the website, http://www.retrouvaille.org, they will send you some information which you can show your wife. Retrouvaille is for troubled marriages or divorced couples considering reconciliation.
I think you are right, within the context of Retrouvaille, your wife could move beyond the hurt she has experienced. It is amazing what people can overcome! I consider it akin to the body healing after a serious injury -- most times all that remains is a faint scar; when broken bones heal there is nothing visible at all. We need to let our emotions heal just as well. So many times we hold onto the hurt for so long, and don't allow healing. These accumulated hurts destroy the marriage. Retrouvaille is a place for emotional healing.
The exact way that the healing takes place is still a mystery to me though. Part of it is by example. When you listen to the presenting couples tell their stories, and you see the pain in their faces when they describe the hell that their marriages had become, you know exactly what they felt. And when they talk about what they did to heal the pain, and you see the love they have for each other in their eyes, then you know that it is more than possible. It is right there in front of you. For me, I just had a thought, why can't we be like that? I want to be like them! And I guess my husband had the same thought. If you follow along in their footsteps, and do what they tell you to do, it works.
When we arrived Friday night, everyone looked tense and frightened. By dinner on Saturday, couples were strolling around with arms around each other, smiling and laughing. What a difference!
I hope your wife will take the chance and do the weekend. It can only help you; it cannot hurt, no matter what you choose to do after that.
