why don't I listen to my own stories?

[Trixi]

Whirlwind weekend. I worked all day today running around, wrote up two deals.

Yesterday, H came up with the idea to go to where we had our first date. So, we went there and had a lot of conversation. *If* we get back together, we definitely need to socialize more and also have more communication between ourselves. He looked me deep in my eyes and said "When was the last time we communincated like this?" We hashed out a lot of things; but nothing is solved, per se.

He asked if I had been in contact with the boyfriend (that I told about in my first post of this thread). I told him no. And he asked if I planned on calling him. I said not at this point. I didn't want to muddy the waters and the exbf had a way of exerting his will that I didn't want to deal with. Then he asked if I would call exbf if we (H and I) didn't work out. I said that I wasn;t sure..but, yeah, I might just give him a shout out. Not to get back together, just say 'yo'.

Then he took me out to dinner. That was nice. UNTIL. At the end he says "so, have you gone out on any dates?"
Me"no" then I squirm around and eventually say "I guess this is where I ask you if you have."
Him "Yeah. A few."
My blood started to boil.
Him "They weren't serious."
Me "that's not nice. I know you will stand on the Separation Agreement, but still...grrrr"
I tap my fingers loudly on the coffee cup and look visibly pissed.
Him "Well? You look like you want to say something"
Me "Nothing that can be said in a restuarant."
Him "Oh yeah? Can't be said in a restuarant?"
Me thru gritted teeth "No. It cannot."

Somehow he ended up telling me that one girl was a beeotch. He only went out with her twice. And somehow ELSE he ended up saying "You have no idea"
Me"I have no idea of what?"
H "Well..you just have no idea"
(we go back and forth)
Finally he says "I haven't cheated. I had the opportunity; she was willing. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to." "You know how an MLC is about being immature? Well, the experience made me realize I really do not want that at all. It matured me." "I thought I would be enjoying myself more than I am." "I think I still need to figure out who I am and you need to figure out who you are." "I want to date you and at the most have platonic relationships with other people." "I am too confused to date anyone else." "I miss you a lot." "Did you see how happy I was when you came home? I was so happy to see you." "I have have way more fun with you than any of the dates I went out on."

I asked if he felt like there was more hope for us than he did before he left and he said he did; he just doesn't want to promise anything.

He is taking me to a concert on Wednesday. We are supposed to volunteer together at the end of the month.

We talked about doing more 'different' things. I asked what we would be doing if he had no preconcieved notions about me and we were just starting to date; some of the ideas were going on a motorcycle ride (he would rent one), going overnight somewhere, long weekend away, maybe a short cruise. I nodded my head vigorously to all his ideas.

It was nice to have him here for the two days, but I actually didn't sleep all that great because I was staying awake so that I could 'experience' him being there because i knew it was going to end.

I think the bottom line of what I got was that perhaps I should feel more confident in myself that he will realize who he is walking away from.

There you have it.