Sorry for the hijack here. I just have one thing to say to mkultra: your husband is an idiot.
(but he has a lot of company with the WAS described in these posts)
L.O.L. I wish it were that simple. I only justify by making another TV comparison. Jim and Pam of the Office. They had emotional connections that surpassd the ones they had with their prospective partners. It seems that my H has found someone who reflects what he wants to see. He sees me as the bi#@h and the OW as the sweetheart. My H has always been the seet quiet funny guy. he used to be compared to Tom Hanks a lot. he was even the rabbi at his best friends wedding last Thanksgiving. What an about face! If he were to die tomorrow, it would be very difficult to find anyone to eulogize him from his past life as a nice guy. His OW and her street punk kid friends on heroine may be the only ones to show respects.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Prodigal - My apologies to you for the hijack dialog here, but I think it does have relevance to your sitch as the WAS.
MKultra - Yes, your H is 'in love' with ow for now, but he is on an affair drug high. Sooner or later that will fade. I don't think most WAS in affairs suddenly 'hit bottom' like Prodigal did. I think most of them gradually lose the drug high they're on. You really can't stay on any high forever. When that happens, their expectations of eternal bliss are shattered and they start blaming the OP and vice versa. Then things start to crumble.
I sound like I'm the know-it-all guru here, but I'm really taking this from all the books and posts I've now read on the subject. I'm really right about where you are in the process. My W is really only in the second month of her PA (the EA started much earlier). You can read the gory details in my thread.
To Prodigal - Please keep posting. We are all still hungering for details on the mental/emotional processes of the WAS. Thank you so much!
Larry
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
Yes, your H is 'in love' with ow for now, but he is on an affair drug high. Sooner or later that will fade. I don't think most WAS in affairs suddenly 'hit bottom' like Prodigal did. I think most of them gradually lose the drug high they're on. You really can't stay on any high forever. When that happens, their expectations of eternal bliss are shattered and they start blaming the OP and vice versa. Then things start to crumble.
I sound like I'm the know-it-all guru here, but I'm really taking this from all the books and posts I've now read on the subject.
We all read about everyones particular situation...the stories all sound so similar...the are at least 3 other guys we could just substitute our names.. My DB counselor told me this was text book MLC,and so forth...here is the BIG BUT,are the books, stories, etc. going to hold true about the A dying it's own death ?... I am 18 days out till our court D date, doing DBing, GAL, DB counselor, going dark grey w/ NC ,praying, pastor counsel,posting my heart,and there are so many other things and here I am missing my precious lost bride more than ever...
I am just trying to catch my breath hoping my bride will wake up before it's to late....SorryDog
Me 47 W 42 D 20 S 18 D 13 S 11 Married 17 yrs Asked for D Mothers Day PA found out on 6/14/07 W filed D 7/3/07 D court date 9/10/07 W moved out 7/17/07
SD - Remember, sometimes it takes time AFTER the divorce is final for the emotional impact to finally hit home and for the WAS to wake up. Hang in there guy!
Larry
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
Sorry I've been out of touch everyone! I've been traveling the last couple days, and I'm in Nebraska for weddings. I'll try and catch up on here over the next day or two. Talk to you soon!
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
We all read about everyones particular situation...the stories all sound so similar...the are at least 3 other guys we could just substitute our names.. My DB counselor told me this was text book MLC,and so forth...here is the BIG BUT,are the books, stories, etc. going to hold true about the A dying it's own death ?... I am 18 days out till our court D date, doing DBing, GAL, DB counselor, going dark grey w/ NC ,praying, pastor counsel,posting my heart,and there are so many other things and here I am missing my precious lost bride more than ever...
I am just trying to catch my breath hoping my bride will wake up before it's to late....SorryDog
Awww, that was such a sweet thing to say! That brings a tear to mine eye for sure. I miss my H too, th eone on the wedding day, not the one that broke into my house yesterday because he had no place to take the kids for two hours! homeless home wrecker. sorry venting.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I also would appreciate your perspective on something. Why do you continue to take phone calls from om? I'm asking mostly to try to figure out why my H won't just cut ow off completely when he knows he needs to in order for us to move on. He says he loves me and wants us to be together and yet he won't stop lying by ommission and taking calls from ow.
What I do not get is how is having an affair different than having a R? I know it sounds simple but I remember dating, right? You would meet someone, court and maybe, call them your boyfriend or girlfriend after a few months of dating. Now, an affair E or P, is so intense that they shack up and fall inlove practically overnight! My H is already declaring his love and living with someone he just met supposedly, a practical stranger and he probably did go straight from my bed to hers overnight! That is not how normal people date, but I guess affairs are all like Fatal Attraction! Was it like that for you, so instantaneous?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
SOP - Lay off. I agree that you have the right to state your opinions on this BB too, but if all you can do is point fingers and try to stir Sh%t, limit it to your thread and we'll all come visit you when we feel like fighting. Quit trying to hijack other peoples situation and emotions for your purpose. It actually make you look less credible, and more weak.
Prodigal, I don't have any of the eloquent analogies that the others have offered, but I will say this: I commend you on the fact that you were able to turn your situation around from the brink, and re-enter your marriage. As you said it took a lot of work, and I am sure that there were times where either one or both of you questioned if it was worth it. Although I don't think any of us will ever "get there", because it is a jouney not a destination, it appears that you are on the right path.
Secondly you were brave enough to come on this board not knowing the reception you would receive, and offer information and insight from your perspective. To me that is a sign of strength. Although you may have had weak moments, or even a weak period of time, your strength and that of your husband is what got you both through to this point.
Bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to continue on despite it.
Thanks for your contributions here
Steel_Box
How was my post a highjack? (read: it wasn't) I'm not trying to stir [censored], I'm pointing out what I see as a fact. Prodigal was doing what she thought was best for her, not her husband or the marriage. To continue to speak with the OM after the affair ended is disgusting, to defend it even worse.
How was my post a highjack? (read: it wasn't) I'm not trying to stir [censored], I'm pointing out what I see as a fact. Prodigal was doing what she thought was best for her, not her husband or the marriage. To continue to speak with the OM after the affair ended is disgusting, to defend it even worse.
sop
Poor little angry man. A bible thumper judging others, now I have seen everything! Since you are such a stand up guy, who were you before signing up for a new screen name? Get to steppin' and bow out of the thread.
