Need advice on WAW with OM

[svejk]

I was thinking of sending this letter to my wife. I think this is probably a bad idea but I wanted to run it by the people here anyway. The letter goes against the DBing principles of showing instead of talking about it. But would it hurt to send the letter and keep showing the 180's.

My wife has always complained that I am indecisive and I don't take charge. She likes it when I make strong, confident decisions.

From conversations today with people close to her I know over the last few weeks she has repeatedly told her family that she loves me but cannot let go of things I did to her in the past and doesn't trust me, and this is holding her back from getting back together with me.

So I was thinking about sending her the following letter. Please let me know what you think.

"I am not going to let you and I make the biggest mistake of our lives! I need to make the decision for both of us. When your lease expires at the end of September, you are moving in with me. There is no way we are going to throw something so wonderful away just because we can't let go of the past and are afraid it won't work out. We're not going to spend the rest of our lives searching for what we both have in front of us right now.

In the last 6 months I've learned more about myself then in the last 10 years. I was controlling, angry, and demanding because I was unhappy with myself, not because of anything you did. I'm not saying you were perfect, but you never deserved the way I treated you, no matter what you did. I am strong and confident in myself because of you leaving me. It took awhile, but I've learned to be happy with myself and rely on myself, not you, for my happiness. I wasn't confident in myself and our relationship so I tried to control you and demand what I wanted. This is no way to live and I understand now why you were so unhappy. I will never be that way again, period.

The past is the past. We're going to start a brand new relationship. Whatever I did to you before today and you did to me before today never needs to be talked about again, because it doesn't matter, and it's not going to happen again. What matters is how we treat each other going forward, and I know it will be the kind of relationship we both have wanted for so long. Because of what we've been through the last few months our relationship will be stronger then ever, and will never fail. I know you think it will be too hard to repair our relationship and we will struggle, but you are wrong. We are both great, smart people and if our hearts are in it, repairing our relationship will be easy. I know our relationship will be go easier than ever before and we will have a relationship that everyone of our friends and family will be jealous about, and that we can brag about to everyone.

To make sure we start out right we are going to have a wedding vow renewal ceremony and party with our family and closest friends in October. Then we're going to start looking for that little baby girl to adopt.

I want a relationship built on total trust and respect for each other. If I wasn't absolutely sure we will have this kind of relationship I would never get back together with you. I love you, I love our kids, I love your family, and I will never do anything to lose these wonderful gifts again."

Thanks,
Svejk