Dave, thanks for that. No, I couldn't stand another betrayal. Absolutely no way. This is the last time I am ever going to DB for him. I'm almost certain that if this OW was out of the picture, he would go looking for another.
If we ever get to a reconciliation point then he is going to have to work so hard on reassuing me and trust issues.
Hey, you can have fun at the mall. It's not all shopping as you know. Sit in a coffee shop and people watch for an hour or so. I'm sure you do. Good luck with the meet-up thing. We have nothing like that over here and DB'ers are pretty thin on the ground.
Dave - 5 hours isn't so bad! I drove 10 for a meet up with some DB'ers down there. Although we stayed for about 5 days so guess that's a little different than a 1 day trip..
I'm near Sacramento. I travel to the bay area for work once in awhile, though.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I went back and read your original post. It's not a coincidence that she told you she wants a divorce on Father's Day and the day before your birthday. Those are days when one is supposed to be particularly nice to a person. She can't do it. Or she chooses not to. This shows a particular antipathy toward you.
I read all your desires for reconciliation and for time together with your family, and I have a gnawing feeling that you are being tricked.
Before you agree to what she asks, be sure that you have checked cell phone records, and if possible you should check her email. You need to know if there is another man.
I have seen it so many times on this board when one spouse is trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle and figure out the situation, and the pieces don't fit, it is because the most important ones are missing....the affair.
I am not trying to bring down your PMA. I am trying to help you. I am very sorry if it upsets you, but unless you know what you are dealing with, you cannot make decisions in your own best intrest.
Sara, I've done all that. I am confident that right now my W is not having an A. Really if that's what she wants then she wouldn't really go for the S. She also understands that if there is an A then there is no way in hell I would be amicable towards her. She wants us to be friends no matter what because of the children. I know right now she is being honest and genuine to me. I know the type of person she is so I don't have any doubt.
Events happening on those dates isn't because she planned them. They are coincidence due to circumstances. Both time they are due to me feeling miserable because of what's going on and pushed for information. The first time I read her email, IM logs and etc. The second time her cousin was visiting that week and she pretty much avoided me the entire week. She wanted to talk after my bday but I was feeling something is going on and pushed for it. But I am glad that at least after my heart felt apologies she is willing to think on it rather than getting a D. I suppose I just wasn't giving her the space she needs when I'm at home.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Nugget, thanks for suggesting that "Getting back together" book. It sure is helping me a lot. I am getting hopeful after reading the first several chapters. It also helps me get into a PMA. It definitely showed me that a separation could be a good thing for both of us, and that it will take patience and dedication from both of us to get this thing turned around.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Went to see "Chuck and Larry" earlier. Just didn't find it so funny. Maybe I am missing the W quite a bit. Just gotta make it through Monday until W comes home with the kids. That scene where Larry was hugging the clothes of his passed away wife just about killed me. Uck! I have found that GAL isn't as easy. Doing things w/o being able to share it with my W just isn't the same. Please tell me this gets easier as time passes? How long has it taken you guys to finally be able to go through life without constantly having negative thoughts?
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
GAl isn't easy b/c u rememeber how fun it was w/ wife. I'm still a rookie, but had a great weekend. Fri went to BW's with F's (place she hooked up with OM last week). I was looking around at first for W or OM (I have no idea what he looks like), But soon lost myself in the company of F's. Sat spent at F's house and enjoyed just hanging with them. I guess the negative thoughts creep in, but I dismiss them b/c I just want to have fun. No easy answer my friend. Hope this helps in some way.
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
NP dude. I think having friends definitely helps. Unfortunately for me I gotta make some locally. And I'm not exactly great at doing that.... More of an introvert.... Unfortunately doing things on my own these days just isn't fun. This weekend was pure torture. My alone in the house by myself. Going to the movies by yourself definitely sucks after a while. Especially seeing all the couples being close and all. Grrrrr!
Just wish there are some DB people locally in Phoenix for support, hangout and etc.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
I think talking to the MIL was a very good idea. You are part of the family and you need to strengthen your family ties. Well done. While it is important not to cry, beg, manipulate, etc. to get back in your wife's good graces, it is equally important to show that you care deeply about the outcome, and want to participate in decisions made regarding your life and your family. Building relationships is a good way to go.
I have a meeting scheduled with the MIL and FIL for tomorrow afternoon. We had family dinner tonight which I was pretty much dreading cause I thought the MIL would be completely on my W's side. I spoke to her briefly and she seemed to want to help make the M work. Looking forward to tomorrow.
I think talking to the MIL was a very good idea. You are part of the family and you need to strengthen your family ties. Well done. While it is important not to cry, beg, manipulate, etc. to get back in your wife's good graces, it is equally important to show that you care deeply about the outcome, and want to participate in decisions made regarding your life and your family. Building relationships is a good way to go.
I have a meeting scheduled with the MIL and FIL for tomorrow afternoon. We had family dinner tonight which I was pretty much dreading cause I thought the MIL would be completely on my W's side. I spoke to her briefly and she seemed to want to help make the M work. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Dave, I'm glad your discussion went well. It gives me some hope.
And I'm not exactly great at doing that.... More of an introvert.... Unfortunately doing things on my own these days just isn't fun. This weekend was pure torture. My alone in the house by myself. Going to the movies by yourself definitely sucks after a while. Especially seeing all the couples being close and all. Grrrrr!