Yes I know, I am with the kids, and I am the responsible one, but that was how it always was, and I just get frustrated that now H is truly living how he wanted to all along.
I think you make a alot of assumptions: Husband's life is so great, he's living the life he always wanted, he's so happy, everyone who's going to be at the birthday party supports what he's doing... etc.... I used to do that too and people would remind me they are ASSumptions (they make an ass out of us!). We don't really know what's true, what's going on in the H's life and in his head. You might be right, but you could just as well be wrong. It's all pure speculation.
But now, I'm going to twist things a little... let's say you are right and your H is living how he wanted to live all along.... does that mean he never had what he wanted or was never happy with it? Also, did you really actually "love" your husband? Is this someone you cared about and loved? If so, would you really want him unhappy? Wouldn't you want him to have the life he wanted "all along?" Wanting him to stay with you in what he considers an "unhappy relationship," wouldn't that be pure selfishness on your part? Should we be forcing unhappy spouses to stay with us? And what is that saying about us? Are we going to be happy living with a spouse who doesn't want to be with us? How great is that for us? Are we better or happier being selfish? I don't think so...
For me to detach... I had to fully embrace that concept. If I truly love my husband (and I do.... even if things didn't work out and we eventually go our separate ways there will always be a spot in my heart for him... our history together, good times in the past, the kids... I'm thankful for those. Nothing erases that), so I do want him to be happy... and if this is what's making him happy. I have to wish him the best and let him do that... even if I don't believe that is where he will ultimately find happiness.
P.s. Hope you had fun last night!!! I went to a Brazillian Bar and tried to shake my tush like the gals on stage. I think I might need more "jello" on my behind! And one of those clinky Las Vegas showgirl outfits! I want one!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
root, I appreciate and need to remember your post here. its stuff that is really hard for me to believe/wrap my head around sometimes, but it rings so much of the truth. I should just print it and stick it on the board above my computer so I can remember it when I find myself slipping.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
once again ROOT you are so helpful. You are correct, I am just making assumptions. I did talk to him today and he said he had fun, although not everyone he invited showed up, but he didn't seem to disappointed. We had a nice time today at S10 soccer game, then he came back to the house and had breakfast. He was supposed to take the kids today but was feeling a bit hung over, so I let him go to his place and rest a bit, then he came back and the kids gave him their present (an 8x10 framed photo we just took on friday, he loved it). I gave him a funny card with no love, no nothing, and a CD to one of his favorite bands. We then sang happy birthday, had birthday cookie (well H and the kids) and he stayed at the house while I went to the gym because that is all I had planned for today with him taking the kids.
You are correct, that ultimately I want him to be happy, and dont want to keep him here if he is unhappy, but I am trying my best to show the 180 me, the person who can make him happy. So I know in the short term what he thinks will make him happy is what he is doing now, I know in the long term he will realize that being with his family is where true happiness is. But he needs to realize it, and I need to realize that just like I need to GAL for me, he is doing the same.
ROOT tried to send you a PM but it said you are over your limit. I have a question for you I want to ask offlist, would you be so kind as to email me at kris4chloe at gmail.com
You are correct, that ultimately I want him to be happy, and dont want to keep him here if he is unhappy, but I am trying my best to show the 180 me, the person who can make him happy.
It is not your job to make him happy. That is on his tab. It is your job to be the kind of woman only a fool would leave.
What a good day, positive things all over the joint. That's good. And I am getting to that point, where I can honestly say I want H to find happiness, I just hope its with me too. If not, though, this place has shown me that will be fine too.
