You have said that you've been following some of Blackfoot's advise, which I think can be very helpful. But IMO, BF focuses on one side only of the self development spectrum only, and that is the presentation of oneself to the world and to others on the assumption that alpha male confidence can be self reinforcing, not just to yourself but to others. To an extent, I believe this is true. But it is also a way of creating a shell around you to cover up your inner weaknesses, which are still there. I do not think it possible to paper over these things and make them go away. Maybe this is what you are feeling.
If you read the definition of narcissism, this is just what you are doing. That does not mean you are being arrogant or self centered, but that you are creating a false self. The true Chrome is NOT bad, not deficient, not lacking or any of the other negative things you are thinking. The true Chrome has everything he needs within him, but he has been traumatize and scared to the point of fearing to make himself truly vulnerable again. That is effect of trauma, not a result of a personality lacking certain positive aspects. You have everything within you that you need.
IMO, what you stated in your post is something you should tell your wife. Print it out and give it to her. There is a lot of honesty and vulnerability in what you say. I suspect she needs to hear this from you very badly. What you might find is that she feels similar things about herself. So try putting your deepest fears in her hands and ask her to protect you, then ask if you can do the same for her.
IMO, the strong front that you have been putting forth means nothing to your wife if she does not know whether it is sincere. How is she to gauge your sincerity? She know you have fears, she knows you as well as you know yourself. Yet by playing the strong, alpha male, you never admit to your fears and never trust her enough to expose your fears to her. How should she interpret this?
Laying out your vulnerability as you have in your post shows that you have faith in her. Once she can truly accept your honesty (and not think it is just the latest self growth exercise) and truly gauge your sincerity, then the strong alpha male will be reassuring to her. IMO, you have put the cart before the horse and I think that is why she has remained defensive and skeptical of you. I believe you are on the right path now. Keep moving down this road to see where it takes you.
